Those Lowdown Mornin' After Blues

The thing about the "day after" is that it is inevitable. Unless your party results in your untimely death or a "mad scientist" experiment results in the total displacement of Quizzno's Fourth Law of Toppings -- life will go on.

You can party your ass off today and Blockbuster still wants their DVD's tomorrow. You can shop till you drop (literally) and the credit card bills will come in tomorrow. You can wear a lampshade tonight and they still won't be laughing tomorrow. Booze is no excuse. It only makes tomorrow worse.

What is worse than inevitable? Inevitable with consequences. Like re-seeding the front lawn where you parked the SUV the night before. Like facing the Sales Department after one of them won your panties in a card game. Or facing the boss after you threw his toupee in the punchbowl. Or knowing you had a moment with your mother-in-law but not being able to remember the details.

Morning Afters can be fun if you don't suffer from hangovers (like me). Watching people mumble "hello"s and "g'mornin'"s; keeping their faces buried in their coffee cups, afraid to make eye contact for fear of having to talk about what they did or sometimes couldn't do the night before. Banging pots and pans and cheerful banter are always funny the morning after.

But, usually by the time the first ballgame is under way, the headaches have receded, the queasiness is gone and the beers and snacks are passed around, everyone is laughing again and only the women are remembering the stolen moments from the night before and are plotting the course of the new year.

So may this first morning after of this new year find you properly hung over, duly embarrassed and slightly fearful of never knowing the full story of last night.

Happy New Year!

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