Y'know What I Mean?

I have never claimed to be a know-it-all. Hell, I'm not even sure if the stuff I think I know is the stuff I am supposed to know. But as a famous Alzheimer patient once said, "I've forgotten half the stuff you'll ever know!" You know?

So, with much further ado, here is what I think I know about today's headlines:


Cuba TV Shows Castro Meeting With Chavez -- HAVANA - What happens when a doddering old Communist dictator with a cigar fetish moves in with an ego-maniacal Socialist dictator who wants to be in charge of everything? Comic genius. Join us on Tuesdays at 8 PM for Neil Simon's Revolutionary New Odd Couple. (Some viewers may be offended by the use of tobacco products in this series.)


NATO, U.S. Neglect "Psychological Warfare": Report - LONDON (Reuters) - The United States and its allies must pay more attention to 'psychological warfare' as they battle insurgents in Iraq and Afghanistan, an influential think tank said on Wednesday.

"What? You mean all that yelling and rock throwing? And all that "la-la-la-la" stuff they do? We thought they were kidding. I mean it's annoying but I'd hardly call it warfare." said Cedric Cowell, head of British ML-6. "It's like a very large baby taking a tantrum . . . it is far too nasal . . . sort of like bad karaoke at a wedding. It is the worst example of warfare we've seen so far."



Teri Polo Set For Third "Fockers" Film -- LOS ANGELES - Teri Polo is set to reprise her role as Ben Stiller's wife in "Meet the Little Focker," the third installment of the movie franchise. "I think he cast me in the role because I play a great straight man," she said. "Actually, I think I'm funnier off-camera."

Yeah, and I'm funnier when I'm not writing, but who gives a F . . . Oh, never mind!



Virginia Slave Apology Debate Raises Tensions -- RICHMOND, Va. - When an 80-year-old white Virginia legislator recently came out against a resolution apologizing for slavery because blacks, he said, should "get over it," he ignited a storm of protests from black leaders.

One of them said, "Without an apology all of our affirmative action jobs, our lowered expectation educational standards, our sport scholarships, our illegal drug franchises, that dumb-ass sideways way we hold our guns, our horrible rap music that has only achieved acceptance through social intimidation, our political power based on threats of rioting and looting, and all of our white BIATCHES will seem meaningless. Y'all gottsa apologize!"

The 80-year-old white guy finally agreed to let everyone who ever actually owned slaves to apologize to everyone who was ever actually a slave.



And finally, in the "it is too stupid to be making it up category", the winner is:



California May Ban Light Bulbs By 2012 -- LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - A California lawmaker wants to make his state the first to ban incandescent lightbulbs as part of California's groundbreaking initiatives to reduce energy use and greenhouse gases blamed for global warming.

The "How Many Legislators Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb Act" would ban incandescent lightbulbs by 2012 . . .



Damn, I wish I was as funny at those guys in California! Y'know what I mean?

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