Current Events

Here are a few headlines that have caught my attention. The headlines are real; the comments are a figment of your imagination. Have some more coffee.

Nazi Hunter Elliot Welles, 79, dies. -- Hmmm . . . I thought these former Nazis were trying to keep a low profile. Nazi hunter . . . he must have been pretty good. You don't hear much about other Nazis. Like Nazi bowlers . . . or Nazi ice sculptors . . . or Nazi plumbers.

Clinton Dogged by "Electability" Questions. -- That's funny. I kinda thought she would be bothered by personal ethics issues; guilt over killing Vince Foster, trying to take over a seventh of the national economy by co-opting our health care system, the life ending and career destroying cover up of Whitewater and, generally, the whole bitch thing. But electability is good, too.

4 Die in Missouri as Temperatures Plunge -- Distraught weather man takes his own life. Note says: "I thought it was going to be cloudy and 47."

Experts Reconstruct Leonardo da Vinci's Fingerprint. -- Authorities close string of 500 year old robberies.

Manila Court Finds U.S. Marine Guilty of Rape -- Trust these people. They make great envelopes.

Study Finds Volunteering at 30 Year High -- Who says we need to raise the minimum wage?

Weight loss Surgery Results in Loss of Woman's Friendship -- You can never get too close to donuts . . . they're fickle. And Big Macs -- forget about it -- they think they own you!

Pfizer Shares Plunge After Cholesterol Drug Fails -- Yeah, but were they the good shares or the bad shares?

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