Heavy is the Head . . .

In recent days, there has been a lot in the news about beauty queens losing their crowns. Miss USA, Tara Conner almost lost hers. Miss Teen USA, Katie Blair, was caught up in the same scandal. Miss Nevada, Kate Rees, was fired over some raunchy photos. Several years ago, The Donald had to fire the reigning Miss Universe.

This got me to wondering why these women are having such a hard time hanging onto their crowns? In fact, why are there so few monarchs now-a-days? If we go by the current psycho-babble we hear from the talking heads on TV, it surely isn't the fault of the people involved. It is demon alcohol, or parental abuse or parental over-involvement or under-involvement, or peer pressure, or the pressure of society's expectations or . . . whatever!

All we know is that these poor girls are not to blame. So I did a little internet research and discovered something interesting. The reason the beauty queens (and by extension all monarchs) are having such a hard time hanging onto their crowns . . . is the crowns.

The crowns are to blame! Here are some recent photos of Hungary's Anita Horvath attempting to wear her crown after winning the Miss Bikini World Final pageant. She is having trouble hanging onto the crown from the very beginning.


So we sent our team of cracked reporters out on the streets. Their mission was to find the company that provides the crowns to these pageants and various monarchies. Unfortunately we aren't very good at this kind of thing and all we found was a place that makes bowling trophies which, by the way, are no picnic to wear on your head either.

The lessons to be learned here? Beauty queens are good. Crowns are bad. So whether booze or drugs or lesbian sex or under-age drinking had anything to do with it, Tara Conners was right after all. The Donald is a sucker for the top of a girl's head and that is why you need to keep your roots touched up.





.