National Breast Awareness Month

I almost forgot. This is National Breast Awareness Month here at Escape Velocity. We are at a heightened ORANGE level of breast awareness. Which means that all of the women who visit our corporate headquarters receive a free 115 point breast exam and a small glass of orange juice (to help rehydrate).

Since the holidays and Escape Velocity's National Breast Awareness Month coincide, as you can well imagine, there will be a lot of wrapping and unwrapping going on here in our glass tower.

So far, my staff (heh, heh) and I have examined over two dozen breasts. Since they come in pairs, that would be thirteen womeneses. The drink this month at the Escape Velocity tiki bar is the Buttery Nipple so, while all of this unwrapping and breast examining and drinking is going on, I guess you could say the ol' corporate staff has been a little stiff, lately.

We, here at Escape Velocity, are currently seeking donations to expand our breast awareness efforts for next year. The debate is currently going on between expanding our efforts to, say the ass or legs, or if we should expand the locale for the exams to someplace like Jamaica. I am in favor of the Jamaica idea because the rest of them can do that other stuff on their own time.

Unlike other charities who have large overheads and must defray office expenses, only allowing as little as 27% of donations to actually reach the intended goal, my personal pledge to you, oh constant reader, is that 100% of your donations will be spent in the pursuit of breast awareness. No exceptions. Even if it means I have to borrow other money from my wife.

You can send your donations to:

Tiki Fund
355 Sunny Rest Drive
Palmerton, PA 18071

So remember, self-exams can only go so far. Our motto is "Give A Lech A Look". . . or "Take A Pair To Lunch". . . Actually, we're still working on the motto.

God, I love the holidays.

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