K-Y and a Cigarette

I have to go for a prostate exam today. I know! I know! I am prepared to be the butt of your jokes for the day. And, yes, while he is up there I'll have him check for more blog ideas.

In the mean time, I promise not to repeat a lot of cheap jokes about anal exams. It would be too easy. Like, I'm not going to tell you about the guy who went into the proctologist's office for his first exam. The doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes. When the man sat down and began observing the tools he noticed there were three items on a stand next to the exam table: A tube of K-Y jelly, A rubber glove and a beer.

When the doctor finally came in the man said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?"

At that the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled, "Nurse! I said a butt light!"

I am NOT going to tell you that joke. I'm also not going to tell you about the time I asked my Doctor why he uses two fingers for the exam and he told me he did it in case I wanted a second opinion. You won't hear that one from me, either.

Nor will you hear of the proctology student who is in the morgue one day after classes, wanting to get a little practice in before the final exams. He goes over to a table where a body is lying face down. He uncovers the sheet over the body, and to his surprise he finds a cork in the corpse's rectum.

Figuring that this is fairly unusual, he pulls the cork out, and to his surprise, music begins playing:

"On the road again...just can't wait to get on the road again..." The student is amazed, and places the cork back in the backside. The music stops. Totally freaked out, the student calls the Medical Examiner over to the corpse.

"Look at this, this is really something," the student tells the examiner as he pulls the cork back out again. "On the road again...just can't wait to get on the road again..."

"So what?" the Medical Examiner replies, obviously unimpressed with the student's discovery.

"But isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen?" asked the student.

"Are you kidding?" replied the Examiner, "Any asshole can sing country music."

This blog is WAY too dignified for jokes like that! So you won't hear them here.

I will, however, mention that the last time I underwent this procedure I asked the Doctor if he could write a note to my wife saying that my head is NOT, in fact, up there . . . and I remember singing, "You put your left hand in, you put your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey . . . " . . . and I remember telling him that now I know how the Muppets feel . . . and asking him, while he's up there, to let me know if he finds my dignity . . .

All in all, this won't be a good day for the Doctor.