The Straw Dog

I heard that Michael J. Fox had the shakes the other day. Then I heard that Rush Limbaugh accused Fox of not medicating to appear shakier in some political ads he was filming. I guess, when it comes to under- or over-medicating, Rush would know what he's talking about. I thought the "I'm carrying someone else's prescription Viagra at the airport" incident was funny. Taking someone else's Viagra seems a little to me like wearing someone else's black socks during sex.

But back to Fox. I don't know what the big deal is. Most of the Democratic campaign ads seem a little shaky to me already. What's their new campaign slogan, anyway? "Vote for our spaz so you won't end up like this one!" It's kinda catchy. I think I like it.

Since Rush Limbaugh seems to think that Michael J. Fox is putting his talents to poor use by filming campaign ads promoting stem cell research for the Democrats, I got to wondering what other jobs would better suit Mr. Fox. Here are a few in no particular order. (They are funnier if you try to picture each one.)

• sniper
• defuser on the bomb squad
• waiter in a coffee shop
• the guy who points at the graph during business meetings
• touch typist
• makeup artist
• model railroad builder
• dance instructor
• high wire performer
• sales clerk for fine china
• tailor
• diamond cutter

Oh, and just in case any of you are getting confused by all the rhetoric. The Democrats trot out former celebrities like Chris Reeves and Michael J. Fox to tug at your heartstrings. Just remember, the stem cell research debate is not about saving lives or curing disease, it is about abortion.

ADDENDUM: I just thought of another one.

• piano tuner