It's News to Me

If you read just the headlines, you'll know enough to pretend you are informed. After a quick perusal of yesterday's headlines I learned the following things: (The headlines are real, the comments are... real too, I guess.)

• Fed raises rates, leaves markets guessing on future -- If the Fed would have left the rates alone, apparently the markets (whoever they are) would know the future.
  
• Floodwaters begin to recede after mass evacuations -- Because the other way around would just make us look silly.
• NBC news ups commitment to investigative journalism -- This should help all of the sites that depend on their news feed. In fact, NBC's advice to these other media outlets is: We've upped our quality - now up yours.
• Rapper jailed on traffic charges -- It must be a slow day for drugs and guns.
• Gibson says goodbye to "Good Morning, America" -- I didn't even know Mel got up that early.
• Nelson Mandela to defend De Beers -- Bill Clinton to defend De Scotch
• Embezzler busted for posing as Brad Pitt -- Apparently he was caught when he was acting strangely. It seems he voiced an opinion without checking with Angelina first.
• Libby Lawyer Wants Delay in CIA Leak Trial -- I thought Tom quit. Why don't they just leave him alone?
• Feds say they got tough with insurers -- I guess our rates are going up again.
• Microsoft pushes back Office 2007 release -- I actually read this one. It seems Office 2007 won't be available until late 2006, instead of October 2006. Of course it will take until 2009 before they have a functioning version.