Alien Probing

I have been thinking about alien abductions and the so-called probe. The first thing I'd like to say is that I do not believe we are alone in the universe. That thought, alone, has 4,379 permutations. But enough about me.

Coincidentally, I had to fix the car the other day and I began thinking about mixed drinks. I had one over the weekend called a 57 Chevy. It is made with Vodka, Southern Comfort, Grand Marnier and pineapple juice as needed. I thought the "as needed" part was pretty funny.

Now, as far as the aliens go (which I figure is no more than 15 light year if Einstein was right about relativity and they ever want to see their families again), you've gotta wonder about the probe.

On our world (Earth) we started with a very rudimentary space program designed to put a manned cross between a Volkswagen and a salt shaker on the moon. And succeeded. Then we said, "This would be easier if all of our stuff was smaller." So micro computers, and velcro and tang were all born because of the space program. In fact, we got so good at making things small (and saw the commercial applications for it) that now only our astronauts occasionally raise a stiff one to Mars. Sometimes they have a drink, too.

In fact, we have made such giant leaps in technology that if we went to Zarxthrithurezbrit (their Earth) our probe would be totally non-invasive. With our imaging technology, we would have a blueprint of their alien innards in 40 minutes, tops. All they would have to do is remove all their metal objects, lie perfectly still, choose their music genre and get a prescription for vallium in case they are claustrophobic. Ba-da-bing! In and out.

So, I'm thinking, if the aliens are more advanced than we are (they are the ones conducting the probes), then why do the brain-wiped abductees "remember" the probe part? Is the alien medical technology behind that of ours? Do they have socialized medicine on Zarxthrithurezbrit? Where's my screw driver? (That cracks me up, too. The drink recipe probably calls for orange juice "as needed".)

My final conclusion was that the aliens that are close encountering us are not the NASA types from Zarxthrithurezbrit, but are more like college kids out hot-rodding where mom and dad can't see. And the wiped memories and the probes are probably alien roofies and raw footage for an Earth Girls Gone Wild video.

"As needed"... that's a riot.