Well, I got up this morning, brushed my teeth, made a cup of coffee and turned on my computer (the equilivalent of my morning paper). One of the first things I check for is new email. I got 74 last night. I'm pretty sure I don't know most of these people - but it was nice of them to write.
Most of them have attractive names designed to make me think this could be a legitimate email from someone I'd want to hear from. Names such as; Victor, and Kelsey, and Taylor, and Carroll. Some of them even include their last names, such as; Quincy Johnson, and Frederick Jaime, and Lizzie Calvert, and Sigismundo Ingmar. (Now, I know I don't know anyone named Sigismundo Ingmar). Maybe they think I might say to myself, "Wow, I have got to see what someone with a name like Sigismundo Ingmar has to say!"
But they also have oddball nicknames, like the ones we would pick because these oddly formed and truncated groupings of letters and numbers might have some personal meaning. Like personalized liscense plates (such as LUVS22 [loves to,too]). So they are hoping that I might think this email may be from somebody that I actually know but that I forgot their handle. Names like; pyrrah316, and kudydoohwa, and lonnie2504 and, my favorite from last night, crtnncetxnky. Like I'd know anyone smart enough to remember that combination of letters - even if it did mean something.
Then, just in case they can't woo me into opening their emails with these smooth, cool, realistic sounding Sender names, they always have the Subject line to close the deal. Attractive things like; (no subject), and Fwd: RE:(no subject). Or they try to make it official sounding with things like Account # 89262C or Membership Appreciation. Sometimes they try to suck you in with cool sounding devices or appliances like; A Mac Mini for you - on us, and Get your FREE $250 Starbucks Card, or Samsung HDTV at no cost, or FREE Sony Vaio laptop. I think what gives them away is the free part.
And finally, there are the seductive emails designed to attract my purient interests. They go straight for the jugular or whatever they call that main vein down there. These folks aren't even pretending any more. They know you don't want to open unwanted email. They know you are afraid of computer viruses and spyware attacks. They know you know better. But they think you will get the blood fever and have to just take a peek. Maybe this one will be safe. After all, who can turn down housewives or school girls doing that? And who hasn't wanted to see one of those? And what an interesting way to spell f******d.
So I've dutifully set my address blockers and my filters and hope they will just go away. And the next morning my Overnight Friends are back, hoping I mixed up my sleeping pills with my stupid pills.
I am thinking that it would be cool if they did come through on all of their free offers, though.
I could sit there in front of my Samsung HDTV, watching Schoolgirls getting f***ed in their p*****s, with my astonishing new erection thanks to soft Viagra. I'd sip my Starbucks coffee, puff on my Cuban cigars while planning my Jamaican vacation secure in the knowledge that my low mortgage rates are somehow back by my VISA Platinum card. Cool!
Actually, I'm only wondering about one thing. What the hell is soft Viagra. It sounds like an oxymoron.
2 comments:
Did you ever think that maybe the term "soft viagra" is all part of a scheme to separate you from your money and leave you without a comeback? You send them your money, they send you whatever potion they are selling, you take it and everything stays soft and continues to point towards the ground. Now you get mad and want a refund and then they tell you it is working as advertised. They use your imagination and the term viagra to sucker yourself. Every day my wife gets these emails on how to make her penis larger but she has no interest in becoming a hermaphrodite. I don't think the companies trying to sell this product realize that there is virtually no market for women to use their product.
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