The Narcoleptic Swinger

A friend of a friend was telling me about a guy that has a rare medical condition called eroticomatosis. It is an actual medical condition whereby he only has enough blood for either his brain or an erection - literally. So every time this guy becomes sexually aroused he passes out (or goes to sleep).

I like to call him The Narcoleptic Swinger.

I have to admit I have a difficult time imagining what this poor guy must be going through. But I have come up with a few scenarios.

During puberty:

• He pretty much slept through high school.
• He had to sit on the floor to masturbate.
• Morning wood meant he would always miss Home Room
• Like a lot of adolescents, he went through a period where he was sexually confused. Young men used to make him drowsy.
• He only ever got to read Playboy with two hands.

As an adult:

• His idea of a hot date includes a wake up call.
• He thinks porno is a short feature about a girl ordering pizza.
• The only time he has ever seen his own erection was on the internet.
• His idea of a swingers party is having a drink, talking to a sexy woman, and waking up in the car with "FREE RIDES" painted in lipstick on his chest.
• He has always taken "sleeping with a woman" as a literal statement.
• One time he had insomnia and his doctor prescribed Viagra.
• He has three kids and honestly doesn't know where they came from.
• Since he's never awake during sex, his wife can literally cheat ON him.
• He had an erotic dream one night and slipped into a coma.
• He went to a swingers party and accurately predicted he would sleep with all of the women there.

In his later years:

• Since having an orgasm allows him to wake up, his Medic Alert bracelet says to blow him until he comes to. Or as the local paramedics like to call it, his Do Not Resuscitate Order.
• His idea of foreplay is a pot of coffee and two no-doze.
• He is starting to experience some erectile dysfunction problems, so his doctor prescribed Ambien.

But the thing I like about this guy is his attitude. Despite all he's been through he thinks tomorrow will be a better day. In fact, I heard he's talking to a member of the Clergy right now. He's asking a Rabbi if he knows a Mohel who does eyelids.