JetBlue vs. Mother Nature

JetBlue Cancels 215 Flights Due to Storm -- NEW YORK - JetBlue canceled 215 flights Friday because of a winter storm on the East Coast, aiming to avoid the days of cancellations and criticism that followed a storm last month, an airline spokesman said.

THIS JUST IN: Scientists are guardedly optimistic that they have found a way to reverse the Global Warming trend. Nigel Fitzwilleybothom, renowned climatologist and phone prankster, reported his newest findings. "We have found a direct correlation between the cancellation of JetBlue flights and cold, wintry weather. Looking back at actual data and based upon computer models, we are not only able to link these two, seemingly non-related, events but we can safely predict, with a 99% certainty, how it will go in the future."

The assembled cadre of news reporters were stunned into silence. Somewhere in the back of the room a chair scraped. In another part of the room someone coughed.

"So, um . . . " continued Mr. Fitzwilleybothom, "Since everyone knows 'you can't do anything about the weather' we added a scenario to the computer model whereby we manipulated the JetBlue flights, instead. Due to the previous linkage of these events, our new model showed a following weather pattern. To put it in layman's terms, if we cancel enough JetBlue flights we could end Global Warming."

The silence continued . . . a cricket chirped . . . a dog howled in the distance. And then one man began to slowly clap . . .

. . . but he was autistic.



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At War With Nature

hubris (noun)
DEFINITION -excessive pride or self-confidence, arrogance, conceit, pride, self-importance, egotism. ANTONYM - humility


Mankind believes itself to be at war with Nature. What we cannot tame, we declare to be out-of-control. But in our hubris we still believe we must claim responsibility. Global Warming is one of these conceits.

We are at the end of an epoch (period, time, span) known as The Ice Age. A vast glacial ice sheet extended nearly to our equator at one point. It has been receding for millions of years. During this time Man came upon the scene. From the deepest recesses of our pre-history to the present day, the ice has been receding.

Prior to the Ice Age, the world was a lush paradise with tropical equatorial jungles , vast temperate forests, and greenery at the poles. The oceans have fallen and risen at the advance and recession of the ice. Species of flora and fauna have come and gone. And Man, for his part, has witnessed but a tiny part of the tail end of the process.

The Ice Age was a huge phenomenon, epochal in scope and nature; the very Earth bending to the event that triggered it. An event that has taken millions of years from which to recover. And along comes Man, a gnat on the back of a woolly mammoth, claiming responsibility for whatever it steps on.

Here are some recent examples of Man's hubris:


Global Warming Causes Spruce Trees to Intrude on Tundra -- Rising temperatures fueled by global warming are causing forests of spruce trees to invade Arctic tundra faster than scientists originally thought, evicting and endangering the species that dwell there and only there, a new study concludes.

Tundra is land area where tree growth is inhibited by low temperatures and a short growing season. In the Arctic, the tundra is dominated by permafrost , a layer of permanently frozen subsoil.

The only vegetation that can grow in such conditions are grasses, mosses and lichens. Forests of spruce trees and shrubs neighbor these tundra areas, and the boundary where they meet is called the treeline.

In summer, the permafrost thaws, and the tundra becomes covered in bogs and lakes, allowing a unique habitat for plants. Climate change, meanwhile, has extended the summer warming season and promoted tree growth, causing the treeline to encroach on the tundra.

Spruce trees aren't intruding on the tundra. They are returning to the tundra.

The tundra and the permafrost and the tree growth and the habitat are adapting to the new conditions presenting themselves as the glaciers continue to recede. Things are getting back to pre-glacial normal. Mankind is NOT responsible for this. We are observing it.


Wind-whipped California Fire Damages Homes -- ANAHEIM, Calif. - Firefighters faced another day of scorching heat and dry weather Monday as they tried to corral a wind-whipped blaze that had already damaged two homes amid what is shaping up to be one of the driest years yet in Southern California.

Stoked by hot dry wind, the fire quickly spread south and west in an unincorporated part of Orange County and threatened multimillion-dollar homes here and in Anaheim Hills, about 35 miles southeast of Los Angeles.

Temperatures hit record highs for March 11 in many spots, including a mid-afternoon 97-degree reading in nearby Fullerton. The city's previous record high for the day was 84 degrees in 1959.

The dry weather comes two years after the region was awash with a near-record 37 inches of rain.

The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration's weather models suggest that an emerging La Nina pattern of cold water in the tropical Pacific will keep the area dry.

Wildfires, mudslides and earthquakes. And multimillion dollar homes. Then blame it on the exhaust of the poor people driving to work every day. Did you ever think that maybe you are building in the wrong place? So make another self-indulgent speech and wear another ribbon. That'll make a difference.


Cancun, Nature at War Over Beaches -- CANCUN, Mexico - Cancun and Mother Nature are at war again.

Mexico spent $19 million to replace beaches washed away by Hurricane Wilma in 2005, but erosion has shrunk Cancun's sandy playground to the point where waves at high tide lap against some hotel patios.

To bring tourists pouring back after Hurricane Wilma, the ocean floor was dredged to rebuild eight miles of beach, nearly double their pre-hurricane size, and hotels were refurbished.

Just a year after the grand refurbishment was completed, the beaches have shrunk again, from 100 feet to less than 70 feet at mid-tide in the tourist zone, and swimmers are forced to clamber down 3-foot drops in the sand level to reach the water.

Once again, the gnat is trying to steer the woolly mammoth. Man just has to be the master of his environment. Millions of dollars wasted and monumental engineering feats accomplished and Nature has it's way.

Sometimes these things work and sometimes they don't. But the end result has very little to do with the gnat on the mammoth's ass.

Don't Hand Me That!

Long ago and oh so far away
I fell in love with you before the second show
Your guitar, it sounds so sweet and clear
But you're not really here
It's just the radio

Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, oh baby . . .

. . . I'm sorry. I was channeling the Carpenters there for a second. Now, what were we doing? The blog? Oh! The Blog! Here we go: I have just been handed this bulletin . . .


Swiss Accidentally Invade Liechtenstein -- ZURICH, Switzerland - What began as a routine training exercise almost ended in an embarrassing diplomatic incident after a company of Swiss soldiers got lost at night and marched into neighboring Liechtenstein.

In an interview later, Corporal Randolph Agarn said, "It wasn't our FAULT, Sarge! We were mindin' our own business and this giant BEAR comes crashin' outta the trees! So we just RAN! We didn't even THINK about where we were going! The next thing we knew, the Liechtensteinians . . . or Liechtensteineese . . . whatever they call themselves . . . are throwin' us a PARADE! Apparently, we are LIBERATORS. Here -- I brought you some beer"


Students Make Porn Film Between Classes -- MAYNARDVILLE, Tenn. - A group of Tennessee high school students are in hot water for trying to make a steamy porn movie between classes.

Four female and two male students were punished after a drama teacher caught them filming the flick in a Union County High School classroom.

Wayne Goforth, curriculum coordinator for the school district, told WATE-TV in Knoxville that the female students had stripped down to their underwear for the boys who were acting as the cameraman and emcee.

Hmmmmm. "Students make porn films between classes." My first thought was, "Four minutes between classes . . . that's about right." Of course the guys that have to stop by their locker, first, only have time for the actual sex scenes but the chicks can fill in the dialogue, later.

But, as I thought more about it, I realized the whole incident probably goes back to dyslexia or, possibly, the recent quality of education. Here's what I think happened:

One of the teachers sent a note to the Drama Club saying she wanted them to film PROM scenes.


UFO Science Key to Halting Climate Change -- OTTAWA (AFP) - A former Canadian defense minister is demanding governments worldwide disclose and use secret alien technologies obtained in alleged UFO crashes to stem climate change, a local paper said Wednesday.

"I would like to see what (alien) technology there might be that could eliminate the burning of fossil fuels within a generation ... that could be a way to save our planet," Paul Hellyer, 83, told the Ottawa Citizen.

Alien spacecrafts would have traveled vast distances to reach Earth, and so must be equipped with advanced propulsion systems or used exceptional fuels, he told the newspaper.

Such alien technologies could offer humanity alternatives to fossil fuels, he said, pointing to the enigmatic 1947 incident in Roswell, New Mexico -- which has become a shrine for UFO believers -- as an example of alien contact.

"We need to persuade governments to come clean on what they know. Some of us suspect they know quite a lot, and it might be enough to save our planet if applied quickly enough," he said.

Hellyer became defense minister in 1963. He shocked Canadians in September 2005 by announcing he once saw a UFO.

Run for your lives! The Global Warming and the UFO nut jobs are joining forces!

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The Ann Coulter Blog

I have never done this before. I was reading an opinion piece by Ann Coulter on "global warming" and just felt like passing it on. Escape Velocity will resume in it's entirety, tomorrow.

Let Them Eat Tofu

Even right-wingers who know that "global warming" is a crock do not seem to grasp what the tree-huggers are demanding. Liberals want mass starvation and human devastation.

Forget the lunacy of people claiming to tell us the precise temperature of planet Earth in 1918 based on tree rings. Or the fact that in the '70s liberals were issuing similarly dire warnings about "global cooling."

Simply consider what noted climatologists Al Gore and Melissa Etheridge are demanding that we do to combat their nutty conjectures about "global warming." They want us to starve the productive sector of fossil fuel and allow the world's factories to grind to a halt. This means an end to material growth and a cataclysmic reduction in wealth.

There are more reputable scientists defending astrology than defending "global warming," but liberals simply announce that the debate has been resolved in their favor and demand that we shut down all production.

They think they can live in a world of only Malibu and East Hampton -- with no Trentons or Detroits. It does not occur to them that someone has to manufacture the tiles and steel and glass and solar panels that go into those "eco-friendly" mansions, and someone has to truck it all to their beachfront properties, and someone else has to transport all the workers there to build it. (And then someone has to drive the fleets of trucks delivering the pachysandra and bottled water every day.)

Liberals are already comfortably ensconced in their beachfront estates, which they expect to be unaffected by their negative growth prescriptions for the rest of us.

There was more energy consumed in the manufacture, construction and maintenance of Leonardo DiCaprio's Malibu home than is needed to light the entire city of Albuquerque, where there are surely several men who can actually act. But he has solar panels to warm his house six degrees on chilly Malibu nights.

Liberals haven't the foggiest idea how the industrial world works. They act as if America could reduce its vast energy consumption by using fluorescent bulbs and driving hybrid cars rather than SUVs. They have no idea how light miraculously appears when they flick a switch or what allows them to go to the bathroom indoors in winter -- luxuries Americans are not likely to abandon because Leo DiCaprio had solar panels trucked into his Malibu estate.

Our lives depend on fossil fuel. Steel plants, chemical plants, rubber plants, pharmaceutical plants, glass plants, paper plants -- those run on energy. There are no Mother Earth nursery designs in stylish organic cotton without gas-belching factories, ships and trucks, and temperature-controlled, well-lighted stores. Windmills can't even produce enough energy to manufacture a windmill.

Because of the industrialization of agriculture -- using massive amounts of fossil fuel -- only 2 percent of Americans work in farming. And yet they produce enough food to feed all 300 million Americans, with plenty left over for export. When are liberals going to break the news to their friends in Darfur that they all have to starve to death to save the planet?

"Global warming" is the left's pagan rage against mankind. If we can't produce industrial waste, then we can't produce. Some of us -- not the ones with mansions in Malibu and Nashville is my guess -- are going to have to die. To say we need to reduce our energy consumption is like saying we need to reduce our oxygen consumption.

But global warming is the most insane, psychotic idea liberals have ever concocted to kill off "useless eaters." If we have to live in a pure "natural" environment like the Indians, then our entire transcontinental nation can only support about 1 million human beings. Sorry, fellas -- 299 million of you are going to have to go.

"Global warming" is the liberal's stalking horse for their ultimate fantasy: The whole U.S. will look like Amagansett, with no one living in it except their even-tempered maids (for "diversity"), themselves and their coterie (all, presumably, living in solar-heated mansions, except the maids who will do without electricity altogether). The entire fuel-guzzling, tacky, beer-drinking, NASCAR-watching middle class with their over-large families will simply have to die.

It seems not to have occurred to the jet set that when California is as poor as Mexico, they might have trouble finding a maid. Without trucking, packaging, manufacturing, shipping and refrigeration in their Bel-Air fantasy world, they'll be chasing the rear-end of an animal every time their stomachs growl and killing small animals for pelts to keep their genitals warm.

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Al Gore's Oscar

New Study of Polar Secrets in Global Warming Fight -- LONDON (Reuters) - Thousands of scientists from across the world join forces this week to investigate the effects of global warming on the Arctic and Antarctic ice sheets.

The ice in both polar regions is melting more rapidly than anywhere else, leading to rises in sea levels and possibly to dramatic changes in ocean currents and food chains.

"The reality is we know so little. The difference is that we know how important it is," Martin Siegert of Edinburgh University said at the London launch, one of several around the world before the main event in Paris on Thursday.


Here's another reality. Thousands of politically motivated scientists are joining forces to get the cart before the horse.

In the entirety of recorded human history, mankind has been living on a world at the end of an Ice Age. There has never been a time when the ice or glaciers or ice sheet or whatever they want to call it has not been receding. The Earth has yet to stabilize into it's normal state.

(One proof of this is the evidence of animals and vegitation and lakes and trees, etc. that has been found UNDER the arctic and antarctic sheeting.)

Put more simply: Global Warming is not causing the Arctic ice sheets to melt, the end of the glaciers receding is causing Global Warming.

And when all of the melting is eventually done, the Earth, with warmer average temperatures and higher oceans, will be whatever it will be. We cannot do anything about it. It is our planet stabilizing at the end of an Ice Age.

All of the pseudo science in the world is not going to change that FACT and all of the Oscars in Hollywood will not validate their bad science.

The Global Warming movement is a political movement and basically the new home for Socialism. According to them, all of the industrialized (wealthy) nations are bad and all of the poorer nations want that money, through penalties and sanctions and aid, to compensate them for their poverty.

It is not about the environment, people. It is about politics and money. They are trying to level the playing field -- any way they can.

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Punxsutawney Phil

Today is Groundhog Day. All of the banks and schools are closed and this is a postal holiday. All of the pre-holiday shopping is done. The special food is being prepared. The men will spend the afternoon watching the Big Game and the clock is ticking down to those after-holiday sales.

25% of the nations business is done during the month surrounding Groundhog Day. The stores take on extra, seasonal workers to handle the crush; and toy and electronic manufacturers around the globe consider February 2nd make-or-break for their businesses.

The national suicide rate increases dramatically in the days surrounding this otherwise festive occasion as the disenfranchised and lovelorn hopelessly watch the joy and fellowship of others. This, of all times throughout the year, reminds them of their loneliness and what losers they truly are.

And one has to wonder if we haven't, somewhere along the way, lost the innocence and true meaning of Groundhog Day? Have we become so jaded and wrapped up in commercialism that the simple message of the Rodent on the Hill has been forgotten? Has Phil not taught us that it is not today that counts but, rather, six weeks from now?

Sure, it is easy to get caught up in all of the school pageants and who doesn't want to see the Rockettes Groundhog Extravaganza? But look around. Look at the faces of the children. They are the ones who still believe. You can see it in their eyes and how they can barely go to sleep on Groundhog Eve; and how, at the end of the big day, they lay exhausted in a pile of toys and wrapping paper, gorged on holiday twigs and berries, dreaming of their own shadows.

Things haven't changed that much since we were children. And they won't for our grandchildren, either, because where ever there are children there will always be a fat, hairy shut-in squinting out at the daylight and planning their future.

Happy Groundhog Day!

ADDENDUM: Phil did not see his shadow so we will have an early spring -- fueling, I am certain, the global warming wackos.
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Not Quite Ripped From The Headlines

This time I used a ruler and an Exacto knife. After I got the bleeding stopped, I switched to circling things with a big Crayon. Does anyone know if Crayon comes out of corduroy? Anyway, The headlines are real, blah, blah, blah . . .


American Idol Is Back For Sixth Season --

Will somebody please change the channel?

Nuclear, Climate Perils Push Doomsday Clock Ahead -- The scientists who mind the Doomsday Clock moved it two minutes closer to midnight on Wednesday -- symbolizing the annihilation of civilization and adding the perils of global warming for the first time.

The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists, which created the Doomsday Clock in 1947 to warn the world of the dangers of nuclear weapons, advanced the clock to five minutes until midnight. It was the first adjustment of the clock since 2002.

Dudes! You need a hobby . . . Seriously!



Evangelicals, Scientists Join On Warming -- Saying they share a moral purpose, a group of evangelicals and scientists said Wednesday they will work together to convince the nation's leaders that global warming is real.

Right after they get that whole "God" thing worked out.
















Was it "wash, rinse, wash, dry" or "wash, rinse, dry, wash" or "wash, rinse, wash, rinse, dry" or "wash, rinse, wash, dry, dry, dry" or . . .







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Ripped From the Headlines

Sometimes I'm not sure who is dumber, the headline writers or me for reading them. Why don't we have a little reader poll? The question of the day is: Is anyone dumber than me? While you are thinking about that -- here are some recent headlines and my first thoughts about them (These are real headlines.):


Emmitt Smith wins 'Dancing With Stars' -- And Troy Aikman has won Best Female Vocalist.

White House sued over global warming -- I thought they always said you couldn't do anything about the weather. I also heard you can't sue city hall. These people aren't paying attention at all.

Obesity could hit economies as hard as malnutrition -- Harder, if we stop for lunch.

Warm weather wrecks bears' winter slumber -- And you don't see them suing the White House.

Man accidentally shoots himself in the groin -- It was a botched suicide attempt. He was thinking with his little head and, apparently, he flinched.

Russia, U.S. disagree on Iran sanctions -- Grown-ups shouldn't argue in front of the kids. Besides, they should save the arguments for the important stuff -- like money and that thing she won't do in bed.

Soldier describes genesis of rape plan -- Gen. 1:1 In the beginning God created the heavens and hot chicks . . .

Iran says about to take 'final step' in atomic plan -- Is this the part where they connect the red wire . . . or is it the blue?

Oral Roberts upsets No. 3 Kansas -- Jimmy Swaggart just pisses people off.

US Airways offers $8B to buy Delta - They already have enough planes and stuff but there are a couple of stewardesses on the Baltimore to Miami run who look like they might be worth it.

Microsoft Zune hits stores, nobody notices -- I heard about this on my iPod.

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Opinions! . . . What Opinions?

I have spent a lot of time inside my head recently. Wandering down endless corridors with an infinite number of doors to an infinite number of rooms. Most of them were locked.

They had signs on them that said things like: Someone Else's Opinion and Under Consideration. One locked door said: Liberals I Would Vote For. That door was locked, the hinges were rusted and I had to use my sleeve to clean the cobwebs from the frosted glass just to read the sign.

There were a few doors that appeared to be unlocked but only moved a few inches before becoming stuck. They had signs that said things like: News Outlets I Respect and Currently Working Actors I Admire. They were right next to another stuck door that said Currently Working Actresses That I Recognize.

Some of the doors, however, were wide open. A couple were just big openings into cave-like walls and had labels such as: Things I Find Funny and People I Don't Like. There were other unlocked doors with well oiled hinges that had signs declaring: Reasons Why Global Warming Is A Crock and Black & White Movies I Love.

Every now and then I would turn a corner and find a row of little, tiny doors. I would get down on my hands and knees, kneeling in the dust, and squint at the teeny, tiny lettering until I made out the inscriptions: Opinion Of Tom Cruise and Reasons To Care What Oprah Thinks.

But the thing that scared me the most was an entire section of halls and corridors blocked by a velvet rope with a placard that read: Reserved For Future Occupant.

More Odds and Ends

I found some more BS in the headlines today and thought I'd share some of them.

Droughts will double to hit half the world by 2100

According to the story and the main scientist quoted, these predictions are based upon insufficient data over too short of a period and that the definition of a drought could mean anything from car washing restrictions to not enough water to survive. But it does make for an inflamatory headline.

George Clooney Wants to Outwit Paparazzi

"Here is my theory on debunking photographs in magazines, you know, the paparazzi photographs," Clooney says in the November issue of Vanity Fair, on newsstands Oct. 10. "I want to spend every single night for three months going out with a different famous actress. You know, Halle Berry one night, Salma Hayek the next, and then walk on the beach holding hands with Leonardo DiCaprio."

Perhaps he should have had this interview with OUT Magazine. It sounds to me like the women are just a cover for his gay activities. But I really don't mind this level of idiocy coming from Clooney. As long as he's staying busy trying to "outwit" some cheesy photographers, he's not out spewing his liberal brand of political bullshit.

NewsHour' faulted for lack of diversity

PBS' NewsHour tilts too heavily toward Republican white men in its sources and needs to do a better job promoting diverse points of view, a watchdog group said in a report issued on Tuesday.

Two-thirds of the partisan sources appearing on Jim Lehrer's nightly newscasts between October 2005 and March 2006 were Republican, and 82% were men, said the liberal advocacy organization Fairness and Accuracy in Reporting.

The show works hard to reflect diversity, PBS spokesman Rob Flynn said. But with Republicans in power in both the White House and Congress, it's only natural that they will be seen more in a news program, he said.

FAIR's researchers found minorities used as sources 15% of the time, even though they make up 31% of the population.

This one is almost too dumb to comment on. We are talking about the news here, not some poli-sci experiment. If the news is being reported about the people making it, whose fault is it that a low percentage of minorities are being used as news sources. Maybe they aren't in the center of things during that news cycle. So What?

As long as these "watch dog groups" exist a larger problem will also exist. These people are the racists that they claim everyone else is. We have people dying in Iraq and others being uprooted by hurricanes and other people suffering in countless ways. But these people will never see the humanity first. They will always try to spin the news into a devisive racial incident for their own political purposes. That, ladies and gentlemen, is Racism.