Group Life Insurance

I received a piece of bulk mail from AAA today. They were offering up to $200,000 of group term life insurance (for just pennies per minute). Now, I'm not really in the market for life insurance because I have always viewed death as a last chance to be a burden on my family. But even still, something intrigued me about this offer.

So, being the troublemaker, er... wiseguy, er... thorough person that I am, I read the fine print.

It turns out that in order to collect on group term life insurance, the entire group must die at the same time. So, figuring, "what are the odds of that?" I decided that anyone who signed up for group term life insurance would be stupid to die before the rest of the group so, demographically, it must be a pretty safe group.

So I signed up.

There are a couple of codicils, however. The policy is voided in the event of group suicide. But it does pay double indemnity in case of group accidental death. So, if we all decided, as a group, to kill ourselves, we would have to make it look like an accident. Like a tragic group bowling accident... or, say, we were all in a giant rowboat during a tornado. Or maybe a group hunting accident.

All in all, it was a pretty good mail day.

I will, however, have to re-think that age old question my mother used to ask me, "If everybody jumped off a bridge..."

.

Ripped From the Headlines

Sometimes I'm not sure who is dumber, the headline writers or me for reading them. Why don't we have a little reader poll? The question of the day is: Is anyone dumber than me? While you are thinking about that -- here are some recent headlines and my first thoughts about them (These are real headlines.):


Emmitt Smith wins 'Dancing With Stars' -- And Troy Aikman has won Best Female Vocalist.

White House sued over global warming -- I thought they always said you couldn't do anything about the weather. I also heard you can't sue city hall. These people aren't paying attention at all.

Obesity could hit economies as hard as malnutrition -- Harder, if we stop for lunch.

Warm weather wrecks bears' winter slumber -- And you don't see them suing the White House.

Man accidentally shoots himself in the groin -- It was a botched suicide attempt. He was thinking with his little head and, apparently, he flinched.

Russia, U.S. disagree on Iran sanctions -- Grown-ups shouldn't argue in front of the kids. Besides, they should save the arguments for the important stuff -- like money and that thing she won't do in bed.

Soldier describes genesis of rape plan -- Gen. 1:1 In the beginning God created the heavens and hot chicks . . .

Iran says about to take 'final step' in atomic plan -- Is this the part where they connect the red wire . . . or is it the blue?

Oral Roberts upsets No. 3 Kansas -- Jimmy Swaggart just pisses people off.

US Airways offers $8B to buy Delta - They already have enough planes and stuff but there are a couple of stewardesses on the Baltimore to Miami run who look like they might be worth it.

Microsoft Zune hits stores, nobody notices -- I heard about this on my iPod.

.