Ripped From the Headlines

Sometimes I'm not sure who is dumber, the headline writers or me for reading them. Why don't we have a little reader poll? The question of the day is: Is anyone dumber than me? While you are thinking about that -- here are some recent headlines and my first thoughts about them (These are real headlines.):


Emmitt Smith wins 'Dancing With Stars' -- And Troy Aikman has won Best Female Vocalist.

White House sued over global warming -- I thought they always said you couldn't do anything about the weather. I also heard you can't sue city hall. These people aren't paying attention at all.

Obesity could hit economies as hard as malnutrition -- Harder, if we stop for lunch.

Warm weather wrecks bears' winter slumber -- And you don't see them suing the White House.

Man accidentally shoots himself in the groin -- It was a botched suicide attempt. He was thinking with his little head and, apparently, he flinched.

Russia, U.S. disagree on Iran sanctions -- Grown-ups shouldn't argue in front of the kids. Besides, they should save the arguments for the important stuff -- like money and that thing she won't do in bed.

Soldier describes genesis of rape plan -- Gen. 1:1 In the beginning God created the heavens and hot chicks . . .

Iran says about to take 'final step' in atomic plan -- Is this the part where they connect the red wire . . . or is it the blue?

Oral Roberts upsets No. 3 Kansas -- Jimmy Swaggart just pisses people off.

US Airways offers $8B to buy Delta - They already have enough planes and stuff but there are a couple of stewardesses on the Baltimore to Miami run who look like they might be worth it.

Microsoft Zune hits stores, nobody notices -- I heard about this on my iPod.

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