JetBlue vs. Mother Nature

JetBlue Cancels 215 Flights Due to Storm -- NEW YORK - JetBlue canceled 215 flights Friday because of a winter storm on the East Coast, aiming to avoid the days of cancellations and criticism that followed a storm last month, an airline spokesman said.

THIS JUST IN: Scientists are guardedly optimistic that they have found a way to reverse the Global Warming trend. Nigel Fitzwilleybothom, renowned climatologist and phone prankster, reported his newest findings. "We have found a direct correlation between the cancellation of JetBlue flights and cold, wintry weather. Looking back at actual data and based upon computer models, we are not only able to link these two, seemingly non-related, events but we can safely predict, with a 99% certainty, how it will go in the future."

The assembled cadre of news reporters were stunned into silence. Somewhere in the back of the room a chair scraped. In another part of the room someone coughed.

"So, um . . . " continued Mr. Fitzwilleybothom, "Since everyone knows 'you can't do anything about the weather' we added a scenario to the computer model whereby we manipulated the JetBlue flights, instead. Due to the previous linkage of these events, our new model showed a following weather pattern. To put it in layman's terms, if we cancel enough JetBlue flights we could end Global Warming."

The silence continued . . . a cricket chirped . . . a dog howled in the distance. And then one man began to slowly clap . . .

. . . but he was autistic.



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