Michael Jackson's Career Path

Michael Jackson is on some sort of self-promotion tour in Japan and even though he won't sing or dance for anyone, he is willing to show up "briefly" for $3,500 per person. For their money, the lucky attendees get a buffet dinner, several Japanese Jackson impersonators, and get to rub elbows with orphans and handicapped kids. (You knew there would be kids around.)

Wearing sunglasses and dressed in a black-and-gold Roberto Cavalli suit, Jackson appeared on the stage at the end of the six-hour party to read a brief thank you.

"I've been in the entertainment industry since I was 6 years old," he told AP. "As Charles Dickens says, 'It's been the best of times, the worst of times.' But I would not change my career."

"Well, not my career, but maybe I would cut back on molesting little boys as much. But, no, that wouldn't work. I've done everything for the children -- that's where my tremendous drive has come from. So if I didn't have sleepy-time with the little boys to look forward to, maybe I wouldn't have worked so hard on my faggy, crotch grabbing, sequined routines."

"But if I hadn't been so successful career-wise, I wouldn't have had the evil power to simply order "room service" in third world countries. I wouldn't have had the money to build Neverland. I would have had to hang around other people's amusement parks to pick up little boys. And I would have never had the "hush money" to buy off all the parents willing to sell their children to me."

"So . . . I guess the answer is 'I would not change my career'."

"Although I am still working on my face . . ."





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