A couple of years ago my wife and I renewed our wedding vows. It was a lovely ceremony on a Jamaican beach. I still have sand in my favorite pair of wingtips.I have always wondered about the practice of "renewing" your vows. Do they get that "not so fresh" feeling of Maxi-pad fame? Is there some kind of expiration date that men are unaware of? If there is, I understand why women would want to keep that a secret from us. Maybe it's like a statute of limitations. You know, like when the penalty for a stupid youthful indiscretion runs out?
Regardless, we fixed a problem that I never knew existed.
I remember wondering, at the time, if the wedding industry isn't getting enough money from the "first timers." Then I got to wondering if maybe this "renewing your vows thing" had more to do with a female imperative to be the sole focus of every one else's attention every so often and less to do with testing my commitment.
It also occurred to me that we were in an unusual demographic; married for thirty years to the same people. I wondered if the females of committed couples find themselves jealous of their slutty friends who get remarried every few years? That would explain why they would draw attention to a decades-old legal contract that, at times, both parties have wondered "how the hell did this happen?'
Later, when we had gotten back from our Jamaican vacation/matrimonial re-boot, we were making home-made batter waffles one morning, and I began reminiscing about the waffle maker that my Aunt Margie had given us so long ago on our first wedding day.
"What ever happened to that old waffle maker?" I asked.
"It wore out." was her simple reply.
My gaze wandered to the kitchen counter. "That a new toaster?" I mused.
"Uh-huh." she answered.
I looked around a little more. "New coffee maker . . . new toaster oven . . . new dish towels . . ."
And then it hit me. "SON OF A BITCH!" I exclaimed.
"What?" she asked.
"We renewed our vows because our appliances wore out!"
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