Don't Hand Me That!

Long ago and oh so far away
I fell in love with you before the second show
Your guitar, it sounds so sweet and clear
But you're not really here
It's just the radio

Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, oh baby . . .

. . . I'm sorry. I was channeling the Carpenters there for a second. Now, what were we doing? The blog? Oh! The Blog! Here we go: I have just been handed this bulletin . . .


Swiss Accidentally Invade Liechtenstein -- ZURICH, Switzerland - What began as a routine training exercise almost ended in an embarrassing diplomatic incident after a company of Swiss soldiers got lost at night and marched into neighboring Liechtenstein.

In an interview later, Corporal Randolph Agarn said, "It wasn't our FAULT, Sarge! We were mindin' our own business and this giant BEAR comes crashin' outta the trees! So we just RAN! We didn't even THINK about where we were going! The next thing we knew, the Liechtensteinians . . . or Liechtensteineese . . . whatever they call themselves . . . are throwin' us a PARADE! Apparently, we are LIBERATORS. Here -- I brought you some beer"


Students Make Porn Film Between Classes -- MAYNARDVILLE, Tenn. - A group of Tennessee high school students are in hot water for trying to make a steamy porn movie between classes.

Four female and two male students were punished after a drama teacher caught them filming the flick in a Union County High School classroom.

Wayne Goforth, curriculum coordinator for the school district, told WATE-TV in Knoxville that the female students had stripped down to their underwear for the boys who were acting as the cameraman and emcee.

Hmmmmm. "Students make porn films between classes." My first thought was, "Four minutes between classes . . . that's about right." Of course the guys that have to stop by their locker, first, only have time for the actual sex scenes but the chicks can fill in the dialogue, later.

But, as I thought more about it, I realized the whole incident probably goes back to dyslexia or, possibly, the recent quality of education. Here's what I think happened:

One of the teachers sent a note to the Drama Club saying she wanted them to film PROM scenes.


UFO Science Key to Halting Climate Change -- OTTAWA (AFP) - A former Canadian defense minister is demanding governments worldwide disclose and use secret alien technologies obtained in alleged UFO crashes to stem climate change, a local paper said Wednesday.

"I would like to see what (alien) technology there might be that could eliminate the burning of fossil fuels within a generation ... that could be a way to save our planet," Paul Hellyer, 83, told the Ottawa Citizen.

Alien spacecrafts would have traveled vast distances to reach Earth, and so must be equipped with advanced propulsion systems or used exceptional fuels, he told the newspaper.

Such alien technologies could offer humanity alternatives to fossil fuels, he said, pointing to the enigmatic 1947 incident in Roswell, New Mexico -- which has become a shrine for UFO believers -- as an example of alien contact.

"We need to persuade governments to come clean on what they know. Some of us suspect they know quite a lot, and it might be enough to save our planet if applied quickly enough," he said.

Hellyer became defense minister in 1963. He shocked Canadians in September 2005 by announcing he once saw a UFO.

Run for your lives! The Global Warming and the UFO nut jobs are joining forces!

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