Nudist's Survival Guide

You can never save money by going to a resort but there are a few ways to economize. I imagine that most nudist resorts are the same in certain ways. Few of them, for instance, are supported by non-profit foundations set up by billionaire recluses obsessed with promoting tit and ass tanning. Most resorts are trying to turn a profit.

Which sounds fair. They provide people with a place to stay, a pleasant, (hopefully) sunny atmosphere, with music, food facilities and a nudist friendly environment. We bring the money.

The resort where I live has, for the weekend visitor, several ways to stay depending upon your budget and your tolerance for camping. We have motel units as the most expensive and least rustic approach. There are also hook-ups for RV parking. These sites are reasonable to rent and you bring the comforts of home with you. Next would be the smaller pop-up trailers that aren't much more than a hard-shell tent on wheels. But still more convenient than actual tenting; also an option.

So the resort tries to accommodate different budgets. But I was thinking of other extreme (read cheapskate) ways to save money at a place like this.

For instance -- sunscreen lotion. A lot if it comes in spray applicators. If you can stand near enough to a person putting it on (and slightly downwind) you could probably get enough overspray to do the trick. You could also enthusiastically greet someone who has just applied their lotion with a big hug or you could shake hands with their husband. Either way gets you some excess lotion that you can rub in for free. Of course, if the overspray and excess came from several different people, using different SPF ratings, you could end up looking like a calico cat.

Another way to save money would be to offer to take the "empties" to the trash. A lot of people don't completely finish their beer or soda. It would be a cinch to combine the remainder of several bottles and cups and have a free, refreshing blend of grape-beer-snapple-diet Dr. Pepper-wine cooler. You could probably bum some ice from someone. Then let's Par-tay! (Warning: watch out for cigarette butts. Although an inexpensive source for free nicotine you could choke on them.)

You get the idea. If you spent all of your extra cash to get into the resort there are ways to economize. Also, if you are handy with the ladies or quick with a joke somebody will always invite you to a party. You will never starve at a place like this.

So far, I haven't needed to use any of these tricks myself. I tan naturally and therefore avoid the SPF squad. I drink hard liquor and mixed drinks and throw my own parties. So I'm good for now. But if I'm ever "stuck" at a nudist resort and I've lost the wallet I had velcroed to my ass -- I know that somehow I'll muddle through.