It's News to Me - III

Here are some more recent headlines that caught my eye. Remember -- when I read the news, I only read the headlines; I make the stories up myself. It makes the news more tolerable. All of the following headlines are real:

• NASA Clears Discovery's Left Wing for Landing, Rest of Shuttle to Follow -- Isn't this what they are trying to avoid?
• Cruise Ship Heavily Lists After Leaving Florida Port -- Don't worry, this isn't the first Cruise to lean that far to the left.
• Study Finds Beaches Sicken 1.5M in California -- And the Pocono Mountains sicken 12 people in Pennsylvania... But to be fair, one of them was already coming down with something.
• Girl Puts Used Condom in Mouth - Parents Sue -- I've heard of strict parents but why sue the daughter? I mean it was already used!
• Hollywood Studios Unveil Movie Ratings by E-mail - For those of us that take our computers to the theater.
• US Airways to Place Ads on Sickness Bags -- What better time to think about a Big Mac and fries?
• Toyota Plans Hybrid that Runs on Batteries -- That makes it what... a golf cart? Does anybody know where I can get 30,000 AA's?
• Microsoft Promises to Play Fair with Windows -- Does this mean that they are changing the name of their product? Should we get ready for MS Doors or MS Root Cellar?

Well, that's it. Just remember - you can't make this stuff up... but I can.