A few years back I had a visit from an old high school buddy. Dan is the most athletic, energetic person I've ever known; he golfs, he bowls, he plays baseball. He's the smartest person I've ever played cards with. He can sing, he plays the piano, all the ladies love him and he is the life of the party. If I grow up I want to be just like him.
We do, however, share a wicked sense of humor. That means we are always messing with each other. Things like he pretends he only visits me to see my wife (She pretends to ignore me when Dan's around -- so I know she's in on the joke.) And sometimes he pretends he doesn't think my jokes are funny. But he's not fooling me... I can hear him laugh after I leave the room.
So this was his first time at a nudist resort and, naturally, I had to mess with him.
The rules of "dress" around here are very loose (no irony intended). Basically, clothing is a completely optional issue in most places within the resort. The only exceptions being in the pool and in the hot tub, where nudity is required. Everywhere else, at any given time, the nudity rate is probably 25%. It is pretty much a matter of whim.
Danny didn't know this. When I drove him through the front gates for his first time, I pulled over and told him, "Nudity is required from this point on. Otherwise someone will report us to the office" We had been talking about how nervous he was, having never been nude in a public setting before. So, naturally, I made him get out of the car and we both removed our clothing and I locked them in the trunk.
I had a deep all over tan and looked the picture of health. Danny, who is usually in better physical shape than I am, had a farmer's tan on his arms and neck. The rest of his body was painfully pale, almost translucent. He was obviously a newbie.
We hopped back into my convertible and drove into the resort. It was the evening dinner hour, on a Friday night, so there weren't a lot of people around. But, as we passed the office area, Danny spotted a man dressed in shorts and a golf shirt. "What about him?" he asked.
"Oh, that's Dave." I replied, speaking casually but thinking quickly. "He's, um, kinda retarded and everyone sorta lets him slide." Danny just grunted in response.
I drove casually through the resort, pointing out places of interest and finally pulled up in front of one of the summer places. "Is this your place?" He asked.
"No. It's a friend's place. Today is Pam's birthday and they've invited us and some other people over."
Most of the summer places are 35 foot trailers with permanent party decks. Most of the decks can easily hold 25-30 people. This one was built on a slight hill so that the deck was above where we parked and Danny couldn't see anyone yet.
"Man." he moaned. "I'm going to be the palest one here."
"Don't worry about it." I said as I got out of the car and snagged some clothes from the back seat. "I'm sure you will fit right in."
This was going to be priceless. I had informed everyone at the party that this was Danny's first time and that I planned on thrusting him nude into a clothed situation. He was always at home in any setting and I'd never really seen him embarrassed before. This was it.
"It's just up those stairs." I gestured for him to go ahead of me. I quickly pulled my shorts on as I followed, now sliding my arms into the tee shirt. As I mounted the last step, my head popping through the tee shirt, I saw Danny standing next to my wife, both of them nude and grinning. Then I realized everyone else was naked, too. And laughing... at me!
"Should I report you to the office," Danny asked, "or are you retarded, too?"
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