More -- Its News to Me

Once again, just reading the headlines and trying to guess what the story is about. Its funnier this way and there is less chance to be corrupted by the liberal media. These are actual headlines.

• Poland wins name change for Auschwitz death camp -- It was at a Chinese auction. They really wanted the steak knives... or
  
• Poland wins name change for Auschwitz death camp -- They are going to call it the Auschwitz Death Resort.
• Pot may indeed lead to heroin use, rat study shows -- We're going to take the word of some rat dopers?
• Israeli warplanes attack Beirut airport -- Its part of the peace process.
• Slain rappers family wants to expand suit -- Apparently he's still growing.
• Vanuatu is world's happiest country: study -- Careful. It may lead to heroin use.
• Congressional hearings threaten illegal immigration bill -- Now, if they'd just threaten the illegal immigrants we might make some progress.
• Review of Big Dig ordered after falling cement kills woman -- You think?
• 350 detained over Bombay train bombings -- SOMEONE in this room knows something and none of us are leaving until he steps forward.
• Living alone raises risk of heart attack -- Who wants to spend time with that bastard?
• House to vote to renew voting rights act -- They better hurry or they won't be able to vote to vote to vote.
• Russia wants to store nuclear waste - Because keeping it in their pockets is messy... and Mom yells when she does the laundry.
• GOP joins symbolic vote on minimum wage -- And we'll pay symbolic taxes and go to the symbolic polls in November.
• Massachusetts court deals blow to same-sex marriages -- Heh, heh, heh. He said blow.