Why I Am So Funny

I have a fairly quick wit. If I am at a party where I don't know anyone, I will usually hang back to get the flow of the conversation, see who the smart ones are in the room and join in when I am directly spoken to. After I get a feel for the room I start slow, with a zinger out of left field. No one sees it coming and, yet, they are all laughing. Then I will hang back some more. Watching. Waiting. Timing is everything.

If I am among friends, I will start right in. Quips, quotes, and anecdotes flowing like tears in a soap opera. Everything is fair game. Most people think I am drunk. In fact, I usually tell people that the more I drink -- the funnier I think they think I am. It usually makes sense when they are drunk, too.

But all of this humor and apparent quick wit comes from years of living in my head. Watching other people tell the jokes and hearing the laughter. Years of saying to myself, "I shoulda said . . ." and having regrets for lost opportunities. Listening to the voices in my head argue over what my response would be the next time.

But all of that is in the past.

Ever since I started using Dr. Von Zell's Miracle Brain Cream. Dr. Von Zell's Miracle Brain Cream applies directly to the forehead and other bony areas surrounding the brain. It quiets the negative voices; the ones telling you not to say that in front of the boss; or the ones reminding you how much bigger her husband is than you are. And Dr. Von Zell's Miracle Brain Cream encourages the voices that say, "Hey, we all laughed when you thought it -- go ahead and say it!"

Dr. Von Zell's Miracle Brain Cream will give you the courage to be the life of the party by deadening the parts of the brain the have allowed us to survive this long. You will no longer worry about, "How will I face her tomorrow?" or "Isn't he connected, somehow?" All you will care about is how f**king funny you are.

So, if you hear voices, don't have a lot of friends anyway, and want to be the life of the party -- buy Dr. Von Zell's Miracle Brain Cream. Just $29.99 or two for $70. Dr. Von Zell's Miracle Brain Cream is not sold in stores so act now.

Dr. Von Zell's Miracle Brain cream may cause drowsiness, depression, diarrhea, vomiting, irregular heartbeat, thromboscular maculitus, pustules, stroke, cancer [in rare cases], baloney wiener syndrome, and earthquakes. Take only as directed.

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