Takin' a Cruise

Out of a deep and sincere respect for Tom-Kat's privacy, Escape Velocity will go dark for twenty four hours. We won't be sending our crack team of reporters (Or is it our team of crack reporters? I always get that wrong) to cover the wedding. We won't be flying overhead in the Escape Velocity corporate helicopter, trying to get exclusive aerial video of the wedding party. We won't be renting a white tux and sneaking in as a waiter or skinning the neighbor's dog and sneaking in as Fido.

We won't speculate whether the whole marriage thing would even be happening if Tom hadn't shot himself in the foot and ruined his career by speaking in public without a script. We won't be poking into his private life and wondering why a gay man is going to all the trouble to appear to have fathered a child and then organize a sham wedding when Hollywood already accepts gays with open arms.

Wait a second . . . was I talking about Tom Cruise or Michael Jackson?

We won't be speculating if it is too late to rescue Katie and have her deprogrammed. Or how easy it was to program her in the first place. Or where I can get me one of those.

We won't be doing any of that stuff because we will be glued to the Internet and Weekend Access, and Entertainment Tonight's weekend show, and E!, and The Insider, and . . . whatever else we can find. So out of respect for their privacy and Tom-Kat's right to sell their own video for $20,000,000, we won't be posting a blog today. On this most special of days.

Say . . . didn't Katie Holmes used to be an actress or something?

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