Saturday, November 04, 2006

More: It's News to Me

Every now and then there is enough lunacy in the news on one day that it starts backing up the toilets here at Escape Velocity headquarters. It's time to flush again.

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I saw a political attack ad sponsored by some chick looking for anti-feminist issues to run against. Apparently, she didn't like the way her male opponent voted on some health-care bill so here is the gist of her ad. (The names have been changed to protect my faulty memory.):

200,000 women a year are diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Bill Smith voted to allow insurance companies to cut benefits for these patients. His campaign received $100,000 in campaign contributions from powerful insurance interests. Bill Smith is Wrong for Women.

When I saw this political ad, even though it had a male voice-over, it sounded kinda shrill to me. Once I did the math, I thought, "What's the big deal? Even if there was a direct quid pro quo, that's only 50 cents per woman."

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Neil Patrick Harris Says He Is Gay. That's like saying Mel Gibson is easily excitable. Or that Katie Couric wasn't worth the money.

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Reducing Body Temperature Extends Life Span Of Mice. Is that why old ladies are cold all of the time?

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Naked Man Arrested For Concealed Weapon. EL Cerrito, CA. -- It seems a naked man was masturbating along a nature path, in view of hikers. When the police arrived they (for some reason) asked him if he had any concealed weapons. It turns out he had a 6 inch awl, wrapped in electrical tape, hidden in his anus. When I started reading this account, I pictured him sitting under a tree. Now, I'm thinking he must have been standing.

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Wal-Mart Cuts Prices For Holidays. The story says their earnings for the third quarter were off. So they are being forced to take these drastic measures. As I read this story, one of the voices in my head started singing Linda Ronstadt's Poor, Poor, Little Me. I wonder if Wal-Mart is set up to take donations?

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Elections Head To Tense Finish. You know what helps me relax?

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