DEAR GABBY,
I found out yesterday that a bunch of my friends are losers. Or everyone thinks they are, anyway. Well, the thing is, see, they lost. Now . . . these other guys, the friends of the not losers (I can't bring myself to call them winners) are going to start acting all smug and stuff. And I was wondering, is it OK to still call them "boogerbrains" and how deep should I dig the hole to avoid detection by the methane probes?
signed: PERTURBED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR PERTURBED,
Not losing doesn't make a person a winner but not winning sucks. It might be best, for the time being, not to call the friends of the not losers "boogerbrains" to their faces but I don't see any reason not to refer to the friends of the not losers as "boogerbrains" when talking about them with your other friends of the not winners. Six feet but use plastic sheeting and duct tape.
signed: GABBY
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