I have always been an outsider. For some reason, slightly out of step with everyone around me. In my earliest memories I am playing by myself. Solitary. My fondest memories are of places I've been and things I've read or seen. Yet I've been surrounded by people my entire life.
As a child, while my playmates were having some adventure in the next room, I would be near the adults. Listening. Watching. Near, but not part of, either group. I was never a nerd or a jock in high school. I had friends in both groups but could never laugh freely with either. As an apprentice in a newspaper pressroom I needed to know every inch of the big presses; studying equipment manuals during lunch while the rest of the crew talked about Sunday's big game. As a tech rep for an ink company I spent hours with both pressmen and salesmen but was an outsider to both.
I blame this on a lack of tunnel vision. I have always been cursed with seeing the big picture.
While other people focused on their family or education, jobs, God or fraternal organizations and became a part of those groups, I would watch them. Oh, I would be there, taking part in the same activities. But I would be studying the politics of the group. Observing the players and the field of play. Learning the structure. Usually becoming a leader or teacher for the group.
I would also see their careers take off because they could single-mindedly focus on becoming a great writer, or doctor, or scientist, or theologian, or parent, or book keeper, or cop or salesman. Their tunnel vision provided the framework of their careers. While my big picture view provided me with an understanding of how things and people worked and I became a leader of men and an expert in my field.
The difference being that tunnel vision also provided those around me with a sense of belonging. They didn't care how the scouting organization worked; they were Boy Scouts and were having fun. They didn't care about the origins of the Bible and the nuances of the original Greek; they went to church to worship God and enjoy each other's fellowship.
They were able to enjoy the adventure of just being in OZ. I was always looking for the "man behind the curtain." Or wanting to be that man.
Which also kept me from being one of the guys.
So, I've had to learn there are different paths to success and different ways of approaching life. And whether you are driven with the single minded view of tunnel vision, or you can figure out the big picture in order to make things happen, the most important things in life still remain being a part of something and your relationships with the people around you.
I'm hoping to have that part figured out real soon.
As a child, while my playmates were having some adventure in the next room, I would be near the adults. Listening. Watching. Near, but not part of, either group. I was never a nerd or a jock in high school. I had friends in both groups but could never laugh freely with either. As an apprentice in a newspaper pressroom I needed to know every inch of the big presses; studying equipment manuals during lunch while the rest of the crew talked about Sunday's big game. As a tech rep for an ink company I spent hours with both pressmen and salesmen but was an outsider to both.
I blame this on a lack of tunnel vision. I have always been cursed with seeing the big picture.
While other people focused on their family or education, jobs, God or fraternal organizations and became a part of those groups, I would watch them. Oh, I would be there, taking part in the same activities. But I would be studying the politics of the group. Observing the players and the field of play. Learning the structure. Usually becoming a leader or teacher for the group.
I would also see their careers take off because they could single-mindedly focus on becoming a great writer, or doctor, or scientist, or theologian, or parent, or book keeper, or cop or salesman. Their tunnel vision provided the framework of their careers. While my big picture view provided me with an understanding of how things and people worked and I became a leader of men and an expert in my field.
The difference being that tunnel vision also provided those around me with a sense of belonging. They didn't care how the scouting organization worked; they were Boy Scouts and were having fun. They didn't care about the origins of the Bible and the nuances of the original Greek; they went to church to worship God and enjoy each other's fellowship.
They were able to enjoy the adventure of just being in OZ. I was always looking for the "man behind the curtain." Or wanting to be that man.
Which also kept me from being one of the guys.
So, I've had to learn there are different paths to success and different ways of approaching life. And whether you are driven with the single minded view of tunnel vision, or you can figure out the big picture in order to make things happen, the most important things in life still remain being a part of something and your relationships with the people around you.
I'm hoping to have that part figured out real soon.
Performancing for Firefox Handbook
1 comment:
Nobody thinks outside of their tunnel in life but everybody has a different tunnel. Just because you don't think or join in a particular aspect of life that you view as a tunnel (jock or nerd) does not mean that you are not in a different tunnel view. By purposly taking a "broader view" of things aren't you getting into that tunnel while always avoiding the other tunnels? At times it can be difficult to see the forest because of all the damned trees around you.
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