Alien Contributions

OK... I have a lot to say and not much time to say it in.

First - this is not a joke. What I am about to reveal is true. I am doing this because they are finally coming for me and someone has to know the truth.

My real name is Daaronwith Zabeltoben and I am from what Earth astronomers call Tau Ceti. My ship crashed here about thirty years ago and I've been trying to blend in ever since. I have actually gotten to like the place (It's a little dirtier than other planets I've been on, but...Hey, beggars and choosers! Am I right?).

But I haven't been stranded. I've been hiding out. Well, my ship did crash but I fixed that pretty fast. The thing is, while I was working on it, I traded a few trinkets for some parts I needed and by the time I realized I had contaminated your technological evolution with my alien toys, it was too late.

I knew that once the Confederation got wind of it, I would be toast. Actually, toast would look pretty good by the time they got done with me. So I tried to lay low. But my only talent was to sell more trinkets when the money ran out.

Cell phones - that was me. When I got here portable phones had battery packs the size of three bricks.

And a computer operating system. I actually sold that one twice. The second time they couldn't follow directions at all. You know the second system as Windows. And I swear, for THAT, I will be eternally sorry. But, to be fair, they screwed it up.

I dabbled in car design for a while. I was behind the Viper and the Prowler. But, I admit I was messing with you with the Scion. Hey, even aliens have a sense of humor!

I'm the one who came up with all the flavored vodkas, as well. But it really wasn't necessary because Earth girls are easy.

Anyway, I have to go now. I can't tell you where, for obvious reasons. But the next time you TiVo something on your 60 inch plasma screen - think of me. And the next time Tom Cruise says something stupid - guess who spent a weekend in Cabo with L. Ron so long ago.