The News in Ninety

Today's stories are designed to be read in ninety seconds. Adjust your reading speed accordingly.


Woman in Iron Lung Celebrates Birthday -- JACKSON, Tenn. - A Jackson woman who contracted polio 57 years ago and continues to rely on an iron lung to breathe recently celebrated her 60th birthday, defying doctors' expectations that she could live so long and so fully. Dianne Odell, who turned 60 last week, is among only 30 to 40 people in the U.S. who depend on the devices.


Reading on, I especially liked the part of the story where she tried to blow out the candles.


Laughs End with Bizarre Britney in Rehab -- NEW YORK - Britney Spears has been ridiculed for everything from her 55-hour first marriage to backup-dancer second husband and her recent pantyless partying escapades. Now that she's entered rehab, though, the joke is over.

First off, we weren't laughing at her -- we were laughing near her. Secondly, I'm pretty sure we haven't heard the last of Bizarre Britney. And finally, who the hell are you to tell me when to stop laughing?


Climbers Relied on Exercise, Pep Talks -- SALEM, Ore. - The three hikers rescued after a long fall and an icy night on Mount Hood said Wednesday their survival techniques included exercising, taking care of each other, and pep talks.

Matty Bryant and Kate Hanlon, both 34, appeared on television interviews with fellow climber Christina Redl, 26, whose injuries were still apparent from dark bruises around her eyes. Bryant also brought his dog, Velvet, who helped the climbers stay warm as they waited to be found.

"We would call 911 on the hour -- and every half hour I would ask Matty for another pep talk. He gave these fantastic pep talks," Hanlon said.

"So every other time I asked for the pep talk he would say, 'Not now bitch, I'm on the phone!' Matty was funny that way. Not Britney Spears funny . . . but funny. Y'know?"


ABC to Pilot Grey's Anatomy Spin-off -- NEW YORK (Reuters) - Walt Disney Co.'s television network ABC has decided to pursue a spin-off of its popular medical drama "Grey's Anatomy," the Wall Street Journal reported on Wednesday.

It is going to star Isaiah Washington and T.R. Knight. It's called
Not Him, The Other Faggot.





U.N. Readies Report on Iran Nuke Program -- VIENNA, Austria - The U.N. nuclear watchdog on Wednesday put finishing touches on a report expected to confirm that Iran continues uranium enrichment activities, a finding that could trigger harsher U.N. Security Council sanctions against Tehran.

The Democrats are preparing their rebuttal.

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