Thursday, March 22, 2007

Pet Killer Shocks America!

Pet Food Manufacturer Can't Explain Deaths -- WASHINGTON — The pet food linked to the deaths of 16 animals has shown no signs of contamination, the manufacturer says, and the company cannot explain why the cats and dogs developed acute kidney failure and died.

In an interview with The Associated Press, Paul Henderson, the chief executive of Menu Foods, said Wednesday the company was looking at a single ingredient. He wouldn't identify it, but the Food and Drug Administration has said the investigation was focusing on wheat gluten.

Our hypothesis is that it is that ingredient that in fact represents the highest probability as to the cause," Henderson said. "But we have been unable to prove that through scientific information."

"However, based upon Al Gore's book The Inconvenient Politician: 'The most illogical, inconvenient and expensive solution will often garner the most attention.' I'm not sure how that applies to this situation but it does sound kind of thoughty, doesn't it?"

"Anyway, back to this pet food situation: We're not sure what the problem is. Take this warehouse, for instance. We ship to both of our businesses from this location. These boxes marked Wheat Gluten 76767 (a pet food supplement) are shipped to our pet food factory at 27 Bear Road, Smallville, Illinois. These other boxes marked Wheat Gluten 67676 (a pesticide) are shipped to our farm supply factory at 27 Boar Road, Smallville, Illinois. There's no way they could get mixed up."

"But, sir . . ."

"Nope, No way. We'll just have to keep on looking. It's too bad, though, that wheat gluten idea was pretty good."

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