MS BOHICA*

*Bend Over Here It Comes Again!

Have you ever found yourself forced to upgrade your software programs just to use them? Have you ever seen a minor upgrade available for a minor program and said, "Sure, why the hell not?" And then you find out it's not working with some of your bigger programs so you say, "Screw this, I'm going back to the old version" but the uninstall is not working, or you cannot find the older version to reinstall it, or the system will not allow you to retro-install and it keeps upgrading to the newer version and suddenly you are really screwed because now you have to download and install the newer version of your internet browser to get things to work again and to be completely compatible and stable you need to buy and install the newest operating system and now some of the features you really need in your office programs are not functioning correctly and you have to buy and install the latest version of the office program and . . . Welcome to the Wonderful World of Microsoft.

I have been through this vicious cycle more times than I care to think about. I hear about the new wiz-bang operating system but always say, "I'm going to wait until it's been out for a while. There are always some bugs that need worked out." And then some minor little something comes along -- a window pops up one day and informs me that there is an upgrade for some insignificant widget that I'm using and would I like to upgrade now? I shrug and say, "Sure." And I hit the button.

Have you ever had one of those "Oh Shit!" moments? When you immediately KNOW you just bit the big one? When your blood runs cold and you would give the house, the car and your wife's boob job to get the last three seconds back? Because you KNEW better! You knew BETTER! YOU knew better! But they got you again. Welcome to the Wonderful World of Microsoft.

The reason I am talking about all of this today is because it is MS Upgrade Season, again. The media is full of stories about Microsoft's newest wiz-bang Vista operating system and there are, typically, just as many other stories about how it is not ready for prime time. And Microsoft is beginning to work overtime trying to find ways to worm their way into your computer.

Just keep in mind it is all about the MONEY. Your computer is running fine, all of your programs are stable, your productivity is good, the printer is working and you have achieved that delicate balance between downloading the porn you need and the resulting spam. Everything is good. But Microsoft has to keep the money pouring in so they are going to find ways to force you into unwanted and un-needed upgrades to a still unstable new operating system.

These are the same people who make you press CTRL-ALT-DEL to escape a frozen program when all we should have to do is hit the fucking ESC button. So they not only don't care -- they are laughing at you!

Today, I got an email from Yahoo. It said in part:

Dear Yahoo Toolbar User,

We've been working with Microsoft and have discovered compatibility issues between some older versions of Yahoo! Toolbar and the new Internet Explorer 7.0 which Microsoft is about to release. In addition, some older versions of Yahoo! Toolbar don't always work properly with the new Yahoo! Mail.

To resolve these issues and ensure continued functionality, please upgrade to the latest Yahoo! Toolbar.

Well, they are not going to get me again. I am writing this blog on my Apple MacBook Pro and my office computer is a Mac Mini. I do keep a Sony Vaio with Windows XP around -- just for shits and giggles but Microsoft will not force me to do anything ever again.

That is why I say, "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last!"

By the way, is there any truth to the rumor that Bill Gates named Microsoft after the two main features of his penis?