Of Lawn Mowers and Women

I decided to replace my lawnmower this week. The old one had worn out and was wheezing more and more. It was taking me longer to coax it into doing what I needed than it sometimes took to do the actual job.

And then it hit me. Lawn mowers are not unlike women:

Some of them you walk behind and some of them are built for riding.

Some of them are wonders of form-over-function and some of them aren't so great to look at but still know how to please a man.

The older they get, the more attention they require but when they are new, you can't keep your hands off of them.

When they are new, their bags are firm and tend to stand up on their own. As they age, use tends to soften them and gravity makes them sag.

Most of them are eventually high maintenance.

As a general rule, the more expensive ones will give you greater initial satisfaction but are fully capable of doing the neighbors, also. The cheaper models, though less attractive, aren't as likely to be borrowed as often.




And, eventually, there comes a time when you just have to dump them.





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Chicks, Man!

Has it ever occurred to you that:

a) We are in the wrong business.
b) Fidelity is over-rated.
c) 30 minutes can be a life sentence
d) She probably has a voice like Daffy Duck
e) Some guy, somewhere, is sick of her
f)"No" means whatever she wants it to
g) Her "manager" gets paid up front
h) In high school her name was David
i) She will never dress like that at home
j) She purges after brushing her teeth
k) She has a 30 second shelf life
l) "Rough sex" means her boyfriend will cut you, man!
m) She is saving herself for the right basketball team
n) Yeah, but can she cook?
o) And if you take away the lights, and the glamour, and the fancy lingerie, what do you have? A hot naked chick!



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