The New N-word

Who isn't sick of hearing people dance around the word "nigger"? I mean, I GET that it is offensive to people of the black persuasion and if they or any people find a particular word for their race offensive, other people should honor their wishes. But I say that any society that is afraid of certain words is way too fragile and headed for more trouble than they are trying to avoid.

They claim an historical negative connotation to the word. Fine. But words change and morph into what we want them to be. Words are merely tools, after all.

What about the word "gay"? It used to mean lighthearted or carefree. Now it's number one meaning in the dictionary is "a homosexual, esp. a man". Do you know what a pain in the ass that change has been to poets and songwriters?

In fact, black people are so messed up over the n-word that they have claimed exclusive rights to it's use while roundly condemning anyone else insensitive or stupid enough to try the same trick. For comedians, who have always pushed the boundaries of civil respect, "nigger" is like walking a tightrope without a net.

But it is just like the overweight kid back in grade school. Once everyone found out he didn't like to be called "fatty" -- who could resist? This occurred for several reasons. First, there was the childish tease factor. Secondly, it was forbidden fruit. And finally, there was the entertainment value. In this case, I think our society, because of the violent reactions that we have seen in response to the word "nigger", has gotten past the tease factor. But the word will always have power as long as it is considered forbidden fruit and shock value has always been a hallmark of our humor.

The word will continue to garner a reaction as long as we, as a society, continue to give it power.

Another problem is that black people really don't know what they want to be called. They have at various times preferred Nigra, Negro, Black, Colored, Afro-American, African-Americans, etc. They still retain a connection to some of them. The NAACP uses the term colored people in their name but colored people has become inclusive of other non-white races as well. BET is the Black Entertainment Network. But I'm not really sure if Black or African-American is the current politically correct form.

I usually just make uncomfortable eye contact and say, "Wassup?"

The reason for our discomfort is that just as soon as we are comfortable with calling our black friends "Negros" they change it to "Blacks". Just as soon as we get comfortable with "Blacks" they change it to "African-Americans". It is a moving target with social consequences designed to keep non-blacks off balance.

My solution is to create a new name for blacks that embodies their black essence and has no historically negative connotations. And, by choosing this new appellation for them, we can all feel comfortable because we will all get the memo at the same time. Additionally, I've used Spanish in creating the name so as to be inclusive to our Hispanic friends.

The new name that I suggest for blacks is "Nuevo Negro" or new black. Its cool, its hip and its now.

Next up: Mid-East Peace.

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Rosie's Turn in the Barrel

Rosie O'Donnell cannot figure out why a Chinese-American person might find this offensive:

In a Dec. 5 segment, O'Donnell joked about how Danny DiVito's recent — and seemingly drunken — appearance on the ABC daytime talk show had become international news.

"You know, you can imagine in China it's like `ching chong, ching chong chong, Danny DeVito, ching chong chong chong, drunk, "The View," ching chong,'" the 44-year-old comedian said.

On Thursday's show, she told the audience: "To say ching chong to someone is very offensive, and some Asian people have told me it's as bad as the n-word. Which I was like, `Really? I didn't know that.'

First let me say this -- Rosie's poor attempt at humor was just another thinly veiled, cynical attempt to minimize DiVito's inexcusable, drunken and treasonable tirade. And, let me state again, if it had been a conservative celebrity that had shown up drunk and abusive, ranting about a liberal president and his policies, Rosie O'Donnell would not be trying to make everyone laugh it off.

And even the Chinese-american community isn't buying her insincere apology. They want Barbara Walters to admit that Rosie was offensive.

So I thought I'd save everyone a little time and restate the obvious. Of course Rosie O'Donnell is offensive. That's why she was hired. The View sucks. Barbara Walters knows it, ABC knows it, and so does everyone else involved with the show. In fact TiVo has a special Skip All Future Episodes button just for The View. So Rosie was hired because they knew she couldn't keep her stupid, racist, lesbian mouth shut. They want the controversy.

Next, why is the n-word the strongest example of an offensive word? I'll answer that question. It isn't. It is being used as a lightening rod. The word "nigger" is no more offensive than the words "queer", "bitch", "Nazi", or "middle-aged-white-guy". The only time these terms are truly offensive is when they come from the heart. And then, the damage done, is mostly to the person who has uttered them.

Sure there are words you don't use in polite company. But words are merely tools. They can be used to brutally hack something to pieces as well as gently caress a child's heart. Different words (tools) for different purposes.

It is my feeling that Rosie O'Donnell and her thoughtless words are being used as a blunt instrument to beat a very dead horse. And, by replacing one controversy for another (lesser) one, they are re-directing their minuscule audience's attention from the greater offender (Mr. DiVito).

Finally, I think Rosie O'Donnell should stick to her strong suit and quit trying to force unfunny comedic bits. She is much better at unintentional humor.

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Is This Offensive?

I was at a computer super store yesterday making some routine purchases. By that I mean I wasn't buying a computer nor was I getting anything remotely super, either. All I needed were some printer cartridges. The store was packed. People were pushing ahead of other people, sales clerks were ignoring customers, door buster items were out of stock, everyone was being rude.

I eventually made my selection and rejoined the stream of humanity, like so much flotsam and jetsam, being tossed and shoved until I was spewed out upon the distant shores of the checkout lines. So far so good.

There were loud talking mommies making public demonstrations of their parenting skills. There were mother-daughter tag teams who alternated between standing in line and running back for one more thing. There were imperious looking business people disdainfully running up their expense accounts. There were Playstation 3 and Wii geeks getting their tech fix and clueless fathers with armloads of video games that their kids have ignored all year long. And me.

When I finally got to the checkout, I placed my ink cartridges upon the counter and cheerfully announced, "Merry Christmas!"

It was like a bomb went off. The girl behind the counter, a middle eastern looking person wearing a burkha and one of those silky gown thingies, literally gasped and took a step backwards. The girl at the next checkout's eyes went wide and she quickly looked away shaking her head. The rest of the people in the lines around me stopped talking. From everybody's reaction, you'd of thought I farted during a moment of silence.

I looked around me and said, "You people should be ashamed of yourselves! This is Christmastime. It has a name. We are allowed to say it. Well over 70% of our population in this country is Christian. But we can't even publicly name the holiday for fear of offending someone? Christmas is the most sacred of Christian holidays. If you people don't like it then get the hell out of the stores and give the true believers some room to shop!"

They all stood silently for a moment, then finally, the middle eastern girl cleared he throat and spoke, "It's not that, sir." she said quietly. "You're wearing a Party Naked tee shirt with a picture of naked people having sex. You are a veddy, veddy bad man!"

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