Showing posts with label dyslexia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dyslexia. Show all posts

Monday, January 29, 2007

Blog-lite

I'm a little under the weather today so I decided to post some junk I have written on some scraps of paper with hopes of someday turning them into bigger bits. If I do -- you saw them here, first.


Join D.A.M. -- Mothers Against Dyslexia





I have a friend who was so fat that he wasn't delivered by the stork -- he was delivered by a crane.








Q: How can you tell if a woman over 50 is hot?
A: She will be dressed in layers.











Some women definitely have a beauty-shelf-life. One day she is built like a brick shit house and the next time you see her she is built like a shit brick house.



Today's blog was sponsored by Yummy-Yum Saltines. So good you can't whistle for more!
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Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Mood Gorning!

My dreams are dyslectic. Have you ever had one of those work-all-night dreams? You know, the endless, repetitive cycle, even if you wake up you go right back into it kind of dream? I don't have them a lot but when I do they are doozies. I get no rest when I have them. It is literally like working all night.

Last night I dreamt I was working in some kind of factory where everyone was shouting that we needed to make more procto-doohickies. That was the actual word from the dream. Procto-doohickies. I didn't know what they were but they sounded uncomfortable.

There was part of the dream where I was stacking boxes as they came off of the conveyor belt and, even though it was a dream, the boxes felt too light. As if they were empty. Then I was sent on an errand in this huge facility that, even though I presumably worked there, I was completely unfamiliar with where I was. So I was wandering the halls, and going in and out of doors and up and down stairs and was mostly lost.

At one point I became convinced that finding and seeing an actual procto-doohickie would somehow enlighten me and I would have total peace and understanding. There was even a part of the dream when everyone was running around naked. But the Freudians should not read too much into that since I am a nudist.

I never did find the procto-doohickie in my dream. As I awakened this morning, I lay there letting the last tendrils of Morpheus caress my brain with his ever-receding fingers until I had it.

I am always flipping syllables around within sentences or phrases to make new words or to change the meaning of the sentences. These are called spoonerisms. A good example would be: "He is nucking futs!" or "That's bass ackwards." One of my favorites is in Mel Brooks' Robin Hood: Men in Tights when the sheriff says, "He deered to kill a King's dare."

Anyway, I realized that the elusive "procto-doohickie" in my dream was "productivity" in real life. Which, from the sound of it, and as I intimated earlier, has always been a pain in the ass.

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