Barzan Ibrahim al-Tikriti . . . C'mon Down!

The former head of Iraqi Intelligence is now just a head.

According to one report, when Saddam Hussein's half brother was hung, his head came off.

HAAAAA! Haa, ha, ha, ha, haaaaaaaaa! Ha, ha, hoooo, hee-hee, ha!

Ha . . . ha . . . ha . . . h . . .

wow . . . ha . . . h . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . His HEAD!!!

BWAAAAA! Haa, ha, ha, ha, haaaaaaaaa!



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Court Drops Charges Against Saddam . . .

. . . And Other Ridiculous Headlines. The headlines are true - my take on them, while flights of fancy and sometimes bearing no relationship to the actual facts, does qualify me to be a journalist. In fact, those are the current requirements from what I can tell.


Court Drops Charges Against Saddam -- BAGHDAD, Iraq - Saddam Hussein's trial for the killing of 180,000 Kurds in the 1980s resumed Monday with the late dictator's seat empty, nine days after he went to the gallows. The court's first order of business was to drop all charges against Saddam.

Saddam's co-defendents chanted, "We want our charges dropped, too!" To which the court replied, "Hey! I'm workin' here!" Later, the defendents were taken out back and shot. The court then reduced their charges to misdemeanors and ordered them to pay fines.


Report Suggests Mars Microbes May Have Been Overlooked -- WASHINGTON - Two NASA space probes that visited Mars 30 years ago may have stumbled upon alien microbes on the Red Planet and inadvertently killed them, a scientist theorizes in a paper released Sunday.

"We thought Martians walked on three legs and had a giant eye-thingy in the middle. For years scientists have known that fire extinguishers and huge amounts of electricity kills them." explained Herbert Heebert of the NASA gift shop. "So we were loaded for bear . . . or, actually, Martians. Hell, we didn't even have the camera swivels set to look down. If we knew there were microbes, we could have solved a lot of weight problems and just sent up a can of Lysol."


Elvis-Nixon Meeting Has Fans Shook Up -- YORBA LINDA, Calif. - The meeting between two of the most improbable cultural icons of the 1970s lasted all of 30 minutes, but thoroughly grossed out by-standers. The reunion of the King of Rock & Roll and the Sock-it-to-me President was like a scene from a George Romero movie.

"I was a fan of both men," admits truck driver Vern Hastings. "But I nearly puked! There was loose skin and hanging eyeballs and it completely ruined the sequined jumpsuit. Hell, if Elvis had lived, he still wouldn't look that bad." Mr. Hastings sadly shook his head. "But I did get their autographs!"




Here Is A Picture of a Girl With Nice Tits -- INTERNET CITY, Congo - There was no story associated with this photo. My guess is they are waiting for her to screw up and then they will run it.








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Saddam Hussein Was Hanged at Dawn

Saddam Hussein was hanged at dawn for his crimes against humanity. Imagine living in a country that is run by a total dictator. A place with a federal police force that can abuse and kill anyone they want. A place where the village or town in which you were born is reason enough to have you killed. A place of forced poverty and ignorance while the privileged few live in palaces and ride around in limos.

Imagine a country willing to invade its neighbors (Kuwait) because it has something it wants. A country that has been at war with other neighboring countries (Iran) for decades. A country willing to use chemical weapons on its own citizens. A country that is bragging and posturing about having weapons greater than it really possesses (WMD's).

This was the world created by Saddam Hussein. These were the people that were saved from an uncertain future under a brutal regime. This is the country that benefited from a U.S. led coalition of world forces intervening on their behalf. These are the people who now have an opportunity to dump this dictator upon the garbage heap of history and use their resources to build a better, brighter future for all of its citizens.

These are also the people who are squandering this rare opportunity on internal bickering and are allowing a few lawless and godless radicals to snatch it all away. From my perspective, Iraq is showing themselves to be unappreciative, ignorant assholes who didn't deserve our help in the first place and will be under someone else's dictatorial rule within the decade.

Saddam Hussein is dead. But in the long run . . . so what?

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Saddam Hussein to be Hung

Saddam Hussein and two others have been sentenced to death. He was convicted and sentenced to hang for crimes against humanity in the 1982 killings of 148 people in a single Shiite town. Those people were executed because they were SUSPECTED in an assassination ATTEMPT against Hussein.

So, because he thought that maybe someone tried to kill him, just to be on the safe side, he ordered them ALL killed. This is called Ruling Through Fear (theirs and his). His lawyer must have thought that was a fair way of dealing with the situation because when addressing the court, he reiterated the reasons for the killings and kept shouting, "Where is the crime?" "Where is the crime?"

Noted American liberal asshole Ramsey Clark, former U.S. Attorney General under Lyndon Johnson, has been acting as a defense attorney for Saddam Hussein during his trial. Prior to the reading of the verdict on Sunday, Ramsey was ejected from the trial after he handed the judge a note calling the trial a travesty. Of course, you can't fault Ramsey for his reaction, since most liberals think justice is a travesty and that only their perversions of what is right and wrong should be the accepted norm. He was just proving to the world, once again, what assholes most liberals are.

Iraq's Shiite Prime Minister said, after the verdict, "The verdict placed on the heads of the former regime does not represent a verdict for any one person. It is a verdict on a whole dark era that was unmatched in Iraq's history."

I disagree. This trial may be putting an end to a dark period in Iraq's history but for justice to be done, and in order for others to learn the lessons of that history, this verdict must be viewed as being specific to the individuals who committed the crimes. Hussein spent his life trying to put himself above or outside the law. Wasn't that the point of the trial? To demonstrate that he was subject to the same rule of law as everyone else? The verdict placed on the heads of the former regime MUST represent a verdict for each individual. Otherwise their convictions will be considered symbolic and these men become martyrs.

In a final note, Saddam, speaking through his lawyer, told the Iraqi people to "pardon and do not take revenge on the invading nations and their people" (wink, wink) and to "unify in the face of sectarian strife" (nudge, nudge. You know what I mean? You know what I mean?)

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