Mixed Signals

I was driving on the perimeter road around our local mall, today, and came to a stop sign. Mounted under the traditional red, octagonal sign was another sign that read - 15 MPH. On the same sign post!

My first thought was make up your mind.

My second thought was which one should I obey?

My third thought was I'd love to hear this one played out in traffic court.

My fourth thought was about sex in order to fulfill my Guy Contract that states that all men think about sex every 37.2 seconds.

But back to the confusing signpost. What was I to make of this sign? Was I to come to a complete stop, then slightly floor it? Or, was I to consider 15 MPH as having fulfilled my complete stop obligation?

And what about the cars around me? Were they all going to make the same decision I was expected to? Which, I still had to wonder, was what exactly?

Was my decision to be based on traffic conditions? Such as how you can make a right turn on red? Or was it more like the Motor Voter laws, which I assumed allowed drive through voting? I took my driving test over 40 years ago and I am pretty sure a lot of things have changed. Like how it's O.K. for illegal aliens to drive without a license and have no I.D. but upstanding Americans better have their shit together.

Then I thought that maybe the confusing signpost was a prank. Then I got paranoid and thought maybe they made it purposely vague so that they could pull you over no matter what you did. Instant probable cause.

So what did I do? Well, just before the intersection was the entrance to a McDonalds. I turned right, pulled in there, circled the building and parked facing the access road. After observing the situation for several minutes, I saw many cars slow down and stop before proceeding safely on. I also saw a number of cars slow slightly and continue through the intersection. They weren't any freaking help at all!

So I did the only logical thing I could think of. I turned left out of McDonalds and went three quarters of the way around the mall in the wrong direction to avoid the intersection.

I can assure you, this is not over. I plan on sending a strongly worded letter to the Mall Management Office.

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