The Anniversary Clock

I have people ask me all of the time, "Is that a real Anniversary Clock?"

I usually tell them, "No, it's imaginary."

At this point in the conversation, I actually had one girl go over and try to touch it. But then again, that's kinda why I like having her around.

Getting back to the clock. I guess it's real. It is made by Elgin. It is under a glass dome. It has the four-ball pendulum that rotates back and forth in a flat arc. It chimes every hour and I bought it for one of those big deal anniversaries. (You know, like twenty years or twenty-five years. One of the anniversaries that everyone fusses over ((except the kids)) and you are supposed to think you accomplished something other than stacking time.)

Anyway, my Anniversary Clock has a weird quirk. It chimes ten minutes before the hour. I have tried everything I know to make it chime on the hour. I have stopped it dead for ten minutes - then restarted it. It still chimed at ten till. I loosened and moved the hands to no avail. I had it in storage for six months one time and when I set it back up it chimed at ten till the hour.

I can, however, move the hands to be ten minutes fast and it will chime on the hour, but then the clock is wrong.

All of this is not unlike the broken marriage that the clock represents. I was better at keeping time and she was better at making time. No that's not it. How about: While I was counting the seconds - she was running a little fast? No that's not it. I guess the best way to say it is just that we had bad timing.

But from a distance it was all golden and shiny under the crystal globe that kept outsiders from seeing that the gilt trim was painted plastic and that the simulated movement was more the result of batteries than the finely balanced cogs of a lovingly crafted timepiece.

We have another anniversary coming up. But this year the marriage as well as the clock are on a shelf next to some dusty tomes about imaginary things that happened a long time ago and no one really cared about at the time. Part of the clock is still keeping perfect time. Part of it is still running a little fast. And I guess it still looks good from a distance.

In the mean time, my early chiming clock is a good ice breaker. Especially when they hear the early peals of the distant chimes and I can say, "Relax Baby, we have plenty of time."

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