Season's Greetings

"You'll never guess what I saw at Walmart today?" my wife said as she came in the door.

"Um . . . Did it have three ears?" I asked.

"No."

"Was is covered in pickle juice and sequins?" I tried again.

"No."

"Has it ever been to the Moon?" I queried.

"No! And you really suck at this game!" she asserted.

"O.K." I surrendered. "Let's start again."

She sighed deeply. Put her purse down. Walked into the other room and began cooking dinner, pots and pans banging louder than necessary. Later, while she was serving our beef burgundy and brussel sprouts, I decided to take another crack at it. "Christmas decorations." I said out of the blue.

"What?'

"At Walmart. Christmas decorations."

She put down the wine bottle and turned her full attention on me. (oh, oh) "How could you possibly know that?" she demanded.

I sat back, crossing my legs, smoothing the creases of my imaginary silk suit. I ran my fingers through my imaginary long hair then smelled my left armpit. "It's really quite elementary, I assure you."

"But it is August 29th." she protested. "It is insane for stores to start having Christmas decorations out yet! We haven't even had Halloween or Thanksgiving. How could you possibly guess that? You never even leave the resort -- not since that Guy Stuff incident at the Mall. So how could you know?"

"They really do push the seasons in the stores." I semi-answered. "Those weasels are so afraid of getting stuck with inventory that the end-of-season sales are over and the new season's inventory is out before a season even properly begins. Try buying Hawaiian shirts in the summer time. Or a pair of gloves in the actual winter. If they have anything, it's on a remainder table in the back of the store. If we want to go on vacation in July, we have to shop for it in March. Who even thinks that way?" I was warming up to the subject now.

She just sat there looking at me. After a long pause, she put one hand on either side of my head and said, "Answer . . . my . . . question. How did you know there were Christmas decorations at Walmart?"

"Oh, that!" I said. "I thought you were playing a word game with me."

"A word game?"

"Yeah. You came in, and said (and I quote): 'YULE never guess what I saw at Walmart today.' "