Misguided Angel

Have you ever wondered why bad things happen to good people? Or why bad things happen to just regular people? Well, I have another As Far As You Know (AFAYK) theory. I think that guardian angels are just like everything else in the created universe. There are some really great ones and there are some really bad ones and there are a whole lot of mediocre ones in the middle.

Now, depending upon which school of angelogy you subscribe to, guardian angels somehow keep bad stuff from happening to us. This could include affecting our timing (keeping us from crossing the street in front of a bus), our awareness (keeping us from burning the roof of our mouth with a hot Pop Tart), and our decision making (keeping us from telling the equally drunk guy on the next barstool that his chick has great tits).

Some people claim to have bad luck. Or do they just have a lousy guardian angel? And what about good luck? Can they actually make good things happen or are they just supposed to prevent bad things from happening? Do people with really great guardian angels never have accidents? What about regular people who suddenly seem to have a string of bad luck? This happened to me recently. And this is what I think happened.

I don't know why but I think of my guardian angel's name as Herkimer. That's right, he has a name. I think I have one of the mediocre ones and that (not unlike me) he is easily distracted. You see, about five years ago my wife and I became nudists. We liked it so much that we bought a place at the nudist resort we go to and we went to Jamaica on some nude vacations. About four years ago I began to have some health problems and three years ago my job was downsized. Then we had a bunch of financial problems and we had to give up our house. During all of this my wife and I argued a lot. I think what happened is that Herkimer got distracted and stayed behind on our last trip to Jamaica. I like to think of him sitting at a tiki bar, drinking coconut rum and pineapple juice, oogling all the naked women.

I also think that couples have two guardian angels. My wife's job is going good, her health is great, and she is enjoying our new home. It seems like she has one of the better guardian angels and he/she is still on the job.

Having figured out that Herkimer is MIA I realized that I would have to take matters in my own hands. I needed better timing, greater awareness and had to hone my decision making skills. In short, I took control of my life. I have my health problems regulated and I am embarking upon a new career as a writer (my life long dream). I don't miss the pressures of my old job or the upkeep and mortgage of my old house and I have a regular income, again. And things are back to normal (wedded bliss) with my wife and I again. I'm eating right, exercise regularly and write daily.

So do I miss Herkimer? Not really. My guess is that I am a better person than he is a guardian angel. But we are planning another trip to Jamaica next year and if he and I hook up I'll probably know it because my timing will be off.