I Can Do That!

I had a mis-communication with the petite red head the other day and in typical guy fashion I tried to fix it. First I sat and did a quick mental re-wind of the conversation just to make sure I wasn't hearing the voices in my head incorrectly. When I thought I had it right I slowed it down a bit and started listening for inflection.

This was difficult because total recall can sometimes be confusing. In my memory, we were sitting under the tiki gazebo on the deck, smoking little cigars and drinking something cool. As I was recalling the memory I was sitting under the tiki gazebo on the deck, smoking a full sized cigar and drinking something cool. Somehow the memory and reality momentarily merged and I ended up lighting my big cigar in the middle - where the end of the little cigar was in the memory.

So, having to my satisfaction retrieved the conversation, I concluded that I had completely misunderstood something she had asked me and that what she was asking was too important for me to have blown off. Oh, Oh. Trouble in Johnnyland!

So how do I fix it? The simplest way would be to ask her about it and then talk about it. The guy way of fixing it is to write her a long rambling email exploring not only what I think she may have been asking me but about several variations on the theme, as well. I told her about everything I thought she was thinking and everything I thought she thought I was thinking and everything she thought I thought she was thinking... You get the idea. Then, just for shits and giggles, I threw in something from a previous mis-communication. Just to keep it interesting.

Then, to keep it light, I asked her how her day was going. I didn't want her to think I wasn't being cool about the whole thing. You know?

And this is why I like the petite red head so much. She didn't care about how badly I was mangling things. She didn't respond to my volcanic eruption of blather. She simply said, "OK, you need to just sit on the deck and read and QUIT THINKING."

Which was pretty good advice and in typical guy fashion I accepted it as another project to work on. Already picking a cigar, wondering how much Cognac I had left and where I had put my Lives of the Later Caesars, I absentmindedly emailed her saying, "I can do that."

(She thinks I'm funny.)


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I Really Do Think About This Stuff

I've been thinking about relative value, recently. This came about because I had to buy a big blue tarp to cover my tiki bar for winter storage. The roof part of the tiki bar comes off and is about the same height as the base, so I put them side-by-side and covered it all over with a big blue tarp. I bought the tarp with every intention of it being disposable.

Because of the odd shape and size that I had to cover, I had to buy a tarp much larger than I needed. I draped the tarp over the disassembled bar, pulled it tight on one side and laid a board on top of the tarp and screwed the board and the tarp to the deck. I then pulled the tarp tight on the opposite side and repeated the process. When I had all four sides secured to the deck, the tiki bar was neatly covered with a tarp that would not blow away. Finally, I used a razor knife and trimmed away the excess tarp and threw that away.

Now, I know what you are thinking. "What happened next?" "I have never heard such a fascinating tarp story in my entire life." "Johnny, you are so clever and . . . masculine!"

Yes. I am. And thank you. But the point of my story is that I bought the big blue tarp for $35 knowing I would cut it up and dispose of it in the spring. This was well worth it to me because I had just finished re-finishing and polyurethaning the bar and I viewed it as protecting my investment.

I also have a 10x12 deck gazebo that has a vinyl roof with a gazillion streamers sewn in, that makes it look like a thatched roof. It really looks cool. I noticed at the end of the season that the gazebo roof faded over the summer and that some of the thatching looked a little tattered. This was the first year for it and I thought that was a little quick. So we pulled out the paperwork and ordered a new top. I took the current top off for winter storage and plan on using it next year again -- but now I have a spare.

The replacement tiki gazebo roof cost $35.

I thought, "Huh?"

This gazebo cover is custom made to attach to the gazebo framework. It has grommets and Velcro and precisely cut angles and double seams and has two pieces to accommodate the cupola. And a shitload of fake thatching meticulously sewn in place. For $35.

So, I'm asking myself is this the best deal I've ever heard of or are the big blue tarp people a bunch of gyps? This is when I began thinking about relative values. The gazebo roof was only $35 because it was a component of the larger product -- the tiki gazebo. And I guess they price replacement parts based on their actual replacement cost, relative to the cost of producing the entire product. Whereas, the big blue tarp people are pricing their product on the basis that the big blue tarp is the entire thing so -- how much will the market bear?

Another way to say this would be perceived value. The sum of the components should not exceed the value of the whole. Conversely, it should not be cheaper to buy all of the components separately.

And that's what's wrong with Hollywood. The individual components (actors) cost way more than the total product would justify. The workmanship is shoddy and at least, with my tiki roof, I don't have to listen to its pinhead views on anything.

So I feel like I got a great deal on my replacement tiki gazebo roof but it should weather a little better than it does. I think the big blue tarp people make an OK product but it is just a big sheet of vinyl so I think it is over priced. And I think a free Tom Cruise movie with free popcorn and sodas with free refills and free hot dogs would not be worth the gas to get there.

Tiki Gazebo Roof -- * Blogbooger (out of ****)
Big Blue Tarp -- ** Blogboogers (out of ****)
Tom Cruise -- still ***** Blogboogers (out of ****)

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