Gone Fishin'

I have decided not to blog today. Or is it:
I have decided to not blog today.?

Believe it or not, I have been working on that sentence for 284 days now. And the only thing keeping me from skipping a day is the placement of those two words. I wake up each morning convinced of one or the other -- only to choke at the last minute; forced to be witty or brilliant once again, when all I want is one lousy day off!

I visit other blog sites. Usually in the middle of the night so as not to cause a stir by my celebrity. I'll poke around, read a few comments, check out the site design and move on . Occasionally, usually around a holiday, other bloggers take a day off. Sometimes they just don't show up that day. Sometimes they leave a terse message, like: "I am not blogging today. Back tomorrow." Sometimes they will warn their readers in the blog the day before.

I do, however, have a different philosophy from most of the other bloggers. Personally, I don't think we should take holidays off. First, because the "I have better things to do on a holiday" argument doesn't hold water. You are an Internet blogger, fer Chrissakes!. We already know you don't have a life! If you did, you wouldn't be posting your lame ass blogs everyday.

Secondly, there is only one Christmas, and one New Years Day, and one Fourth of July, and one St. Swithens Day, etc. So you only get one shot at each holiday every year. But there are 52 Tuesdays every year. Why not blow one of those off?

I'm not sure what's wrong with these young bloggers now-a-days. Why back when I was a young man . . . O.K., never mind. Even I saw that one coming.

Anyway, my point is . . . I have decided not to blog today. Or is it to not blog today? Whatever.

Happy Tuesday!

.

Bicentennial Blog

I've never been a fan of celebrating minor events. Things like, "Mark and I are going out to dinner tonight. Today is the three month anniversary of our second date." How do you respond to something like that? So, I look at her and mumble congratulations and I look at him and give him one of those "Dude?!?" guy looks.

My mother used to get really pissed off if I didn't send her a greeting card for every holiday. I'm not talking about Christmas and birthdays and Mother's Day. I mean things like Easter and Columbus Day. And the really funny thing was, she would get mad at my wife for not sending a card -- not me. She always figured it was the wife's responsibility to make sure her husband signed frivolous holiday cards. One time, she wouldn't talk to Nina for months because she didn't get a Memorial Day card. It actually turned out to be a pleasant summer.

On the other end of the spectrum, I have two adult sons who completely missed our 25th and 30th anniversaries. I blame their wives.

Today is a minor milestone. In level of importance, it falls somewhere between Darwin trying to explain away his vestigial tail and something called roach paste. Today marks the publishing of my 200th blog. I have published a new, original, at times marginally entertaining blog every day for 200 days straight. I haven't missed a day.

I feel like Hallmark should have a new category. I'm not sure but I think this qualifies for bonus miles on my oral sex punch card. I want to do something special but all of the nudists are gone for the season. I feel like Punxatawney Phil when he sneaks out for an early morning piss and a thousand TV cameras capture the moment. It's just so exciting!

I'm not really certain what is special about 200. I guess it's a nice round number and sounds like it ought to be a big deal. But don't worry about me. I promise to stay grounded and sensible. I'm just going to spend the day puttering around the house, doing a few chores, running out to the cleaners to pick up my tux. Things like that.

I wonder if I can get my card punched in the back of the limo?