NOT AN EXIT

A friend of mine was telling me about an incident where she works. It seems that there was a new employee who needed to get to his vehicle in the company parking lot. He had two choices. He could either walk down the labyrinth of corridors that he had used to get to his current location in the building (which was a break room) or go out the door ten feet away from him that led directly into the parking lot.

As he approached the door he was stopped by one of the office managers. "You can't go out that door."

He turned, his hand already on the push bar. "Why not?"

"It's a rule. Employees must use the front exit only."

"I just need to get something out of my car. It is twenty feet on the other side of this door."

"I'm sorry," the manager replied. "That is not an exit."

"But it says EXIT in lighted letters above the door." The new guy was starting to get a little heated. "See?" He pointed to the white box with illuminated red letters which clearly read EXIT.

"I'm sorry." The manager repeated. "You need to use the front door."

The new guy stood there for a few seconds, looking at the manager, weighing his options. Finally he put his weight against the push bar, swung the door open and said he would be right back.

When he returned ninety seconds later from his car the door was closed and set so that it could only be opened from the inside. No one was in the break room. It took him eight minutes to get back to the break room to retrieve some papers he'd left on a table. He was already late for his next meeting. As he grabbed his stuff he noticed a hand written note taped onto the inside of the door about sixteen inches below the illuminated EXIT sign. The note read: NOT AN EXIT.

Later that day, the manager returned to the break room. In addition to his hand written NOT AN EXIT sign was a sign on the refrigerator that read: NOT A REFRIGERATOR. The table sported a sign reading: NOT A TABLE. Each chair had a sign declaring: NOT A CHAIR. In fact everything in the room had signs. The walls, the ceiling, the drawers in the sink cabinet, the sink, the plasticware next to the coffee pot. The coffee pot. Everything. Inside the refrigerator were yellow sticky notes announcing that this bag was NOT BILL'S LUNCH or that that container was NOT ANN'S YOGURT. The light bulb inside the 'frig had a note.

The manager's original note had a NOT NOT AN EXIT NOTE note.

All of the notes were in different hand writing.

While the dumbfounded manager was standing there, other employees began drifting in. Acting as if everything were normal. Ignoring him. When he got back to his office it had received the same treatment. His office door, the rug, his desk, scissors, his suit jacket, his desk chair.

He angrily removed all of the little signs and threw them into his waste basket that was clearly marked NOT A WASTE BASKET. He left early that day and drove home with a sign taped to the car trunk announcing to the world that what he was driving was: NOT A CAR. Finally he got home where everything was normal. He explained to his wife that he was home early because he was just a little tired.

As he was pouring a beer and raiding the 'frig his wife asked him "Why is there a note on your back that says: NOT A MANAGER ?"

My friend tells me that there has never been a problem using the exit in the break room since that day and that the new employee decided not to take the job after all.

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